It’s important to remember that everyone was a kid once…and that no child is perfect. For instance, as a child Gandhi once stole some money from his brother. The boy was wracked with guilt, terrified of the consequences–from his parents, from the law, from God. Ultimately, he went to his father and confessed, laying out every aspect of his crime in great detail in a long, self-flagellating note, offering himself up for some extreme punishment he felt he deserved.

Instead, his father Karamchand, who was quite ill, read the letter and then with tears in his eyes, tore it up in front of his son. Gandhi, overwhelmed by the “sublime forgiveness,” wept in relief. The Gandhi the world would come to know later, one could argue, was formed in this moment. Not just his unflinching honesty and ethics, but also his compassion and forgiveness. Time and time again he was abused by the British, by the authorities, in some cases, by his own supporters and colleagues. But he never held a grudge. He never wrote anyone off. He never acted like they were somehow less than him.

We must give our own children this kind of grace. Should we expect them to become Gandhi? No. But if we expect them to be good and kind and patient and understanding and forgiving, we must model that for them…we must treat them with those same virtues (although as we’ve written, Gandhi struggled with this with his own family).

We told the story of Jimmy Carter and his father–a mistake on a fishing trip, a kid wrecked by fear and guilt, and a dad who shrugged it off–and how that stayed with Carter for the rest of his life. The times we forgive, that we shrug it off, that we tear up the letter? It will stay with our kids too…and who knows, they may just pay it forward some day…maybe even to us.