Why Didn’t They Tell Us‪?‬ Leslie Randolph

“It’s no wonder we claim to not know what we want,” says host Leslie Randolph on today’s episode of Why Didn’t They Tell Us. “We’ve been programmed to follow a path that isn’t for us. It’s actually for everyone else’s perception of us.” When what we truly want comes into conflict with all of the expectations placed on us by society, we experience what she calls ‘should shame.’ Women, especially, are given a rigid and narrow set of rules by which they are expected to live, and when you want to deviate from them, an emotional deficit begins to grow. 
 
Before Leslie found her calling as a coach, she experienced a lot of the same conflict. She shares the story of discovering her passion, hiding behind a safe and respectable job option and how she finally summoned the courage to be honest about what she really wanted and never looked back. 
 
What will you do with your one, precious life? Join Leslie to learn how to discover your purpose and passion, as well as the self-confidence to go after it. 
 
Quotes
“First of all, I think so many of us believe that there’s a wrong answer, like, ‘I know what I want but it’s not what I should want.’ Whenever I hear the word ‘should,’ an alarm goes off in me because I know that ‘should’ always leads to shame.”  (3:20 | Leslie Randolph) 
“One of the reasons we experience ‘should shame’ is because the ‘should’ aligns with an external expectation versus an internal desire, and I believe that women are especially susceptible to societal ‘shoulds.’” (6:02 | Leslie Randolph)
“No sooner did I hear that voice of ‘That’s what you should do, that’s what you want,’ did I hear another voice come in that said, ‘You want to do what? You want to be a coach? What’s a coach?’ I had some strong opinions about it and it was so informed by those societal ‘shoulds.’  (15:03 | Leslie Randolph)
“At that moment, that moment when, at the height of the pandemic where we had this realization that life is so short and everything can change in a moment, and that desire became more important than the ‘shoulds.’ It’s my life. I want to do this, I want to create this impact, I want to help people. That meant more to be than the ‘You want to be a what?’ voice. I turned down the volume on that voice, on societal ‘shoulds,’ and cranked up the volume on the ‘This is what I want’ voice. And obviously you know how this story ends.” (19:21 | Leslie Randolph) 
“Don’t let ‘I don’t know’ be the compass. It will keep you stuck.” (21:51 | Leslie Randolph)
 
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“I’m out of my league. Someone else could do it better. I bring nothing to the table.” Imposter Syndrome, which is when we feel like a fraud in our lives or careers despite evidence to the contrary, causes so many of us insecurity, anxiety and doubt. What’s worse, we all think we are alone in this feeling, despite leading figures from actress Natalie Portman, singer Lady Gaga and even the Vice President of the United States, Kamala Harris, all admitting to feeling like they don’t deserve their success and that they’ll be exposed to the world at any moment. Luckily, Leslie has the antidote for all of these negative thoughts, and on today’s episode of Why Didn’t They Tell Us, she’ll show you how to challenge your false beliefs by answering one simple question. 
 
Our thoughts are deliberate. If we can choose to think negative thoughts we can choose to think positive thoughts. Leslie shares a series of affirmations to tell yourself so that you can begin to change the course of your emotions, and replace feelings of doubt with feelings of pride and self-confidence. 
 
Quotes
“Imposter syndrome is a feeling caused by a collection of thoughts that are rooted in disbelief of you, your ability and capability.” (6:54 | Leslie Randolph)
“Often we ask ourselves the question, ‘Who do you think you are?’ And we let it be rhetorical. We just hear that very judgmental voice, and we think, ‘Oh, yeah, no, I am not cut out for this.’ We hear the question and we let it go unanswered.” (8:46 | Leslie Randolph)
“Imposter Syndrome is not a diagnosis or this incurable ail. It is the result of believing false thoughts about you, and while they are common, they are also optional. Thoughts always are. Our thoughts are the source of all of our suffering, but they can also be the secret to our success. Your perspective is your power.” (11:07 | Leslie Randolph) 
“Self-confidence is the antidote to Imposter Syndrome. It’s doubt’s Achilles heel.”(13:37 | Leslie Randolph) 
“That story you’ve been telling, it is not written in stone. You created it, which means you can also change it.” (15:34 | Leslie Randolph)
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“It’s more than just visual—it’s also psychological, it’s emotional, there’s a physical component to it, there’s even a spiritual component to it,” says Sandy Thinnes, founder and CEO of Beauty Flow, a holistic beauty and wellness brand that takes an inside approach to beauty. Sandy explains how the desire to feel attractive and express oneself through makeup is common among women of all ages. However, she raises concerns about the impact of social media platforms like TikTok, which have young girls obsessing over makeup and skincare products. These products can be inappropriate for their age or even harmful based on their ingredients.
 
Sandy addresses how Millennial Moms can guide their daughters through the overwhelming beauty landscape. She will detail which products and ingredients to avoid, how to set positive beauty standards and attitudes, and ways to foster "foundational beauty" by helping teens and tweens develop their inner selves.
 
Furthermore, Sandy highlights the interconnectedness of physical health and beauty, sharing insights on how a healthy gut biome contributes to a healthy mind, spirit, and skin barrier. Listeners will learn about the scientific links between meditation and anti-aging, the benefits of daily physical activity, and why maintaining a regulated nervous system is crucial for beauty.
 
The episode emphasizes teaching girls to value who they are and what they have to offer, so they can show up confidently to present their unique gifts to the world and to heal it in a way that only women can. 
 
Quotes
“There’s really nothing wrong with you or your body, there’s just something wrong with where your focus is.”  (24:50 | Sandy Thinnes)
“If you are completely focused on your external shell, it will rob focus away from your internal spirit, your internal world.” (25:32 | Sandy Thinnes)
“It just takes one woman to start a beauty movement.” (34:41 | Sandy Thinnes)
“My goal is to help women understand that so they can pass it on to future generations, and also for themselves to show up so that they can feel more successful in their world and whatever it is they're doing.” (41:50 | Sandy Thinnes) 
“What we can all do with one another is to help each other have more confidence because when women or girls don't have confidence, they want to hide. They don't want to show up. They don't want to share what's in their heart or what they're doing to try to make this world a better place. And I don't know about you, but I can see that this world needs women more than ever, to heal, because a lot is going on out there.” (42:09 | Sandy Thinnes)
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“Would you say to your best friend, ‘Well, you kind of suck. You’re a total failure?’” asks host Leslie Randolph on today’s episode of Why Didn’t They Tell Us? Most likely—and hopefully—the answer is no, so why do so many of us so easily and frequently say these things to ourselves when we fail to achieve our goals or get something we wanted? We attach disparaging narratives to our failures and positive narratives to what we perceive as other peoples’ endless stream of successes. There are three major forms of what Leslie calls self-confidence kryptonite, and today she’ll share what they are and what we can do to guard against them.
 
She’ll reveal the one small word to add to your negative self-talk that will completely change your outlook. She’ll discuss sticking to the facts and how to avoid the traps laid by social media that prey on our doubts and insecurity. Learn a series of lists to compile, how to be aware of negative self-talk and deliberate about positive self-talk. 
 
As Leslie says, self-confidence is an inside job!
 
Quotes
 
“If your goal is to one day make the team, or to one day get that promotion at work, those thoughts are not going to motivate you to try again. Why would you? If you believe you suck, or you’re a failure, or it’s never going to happen, then what’s the point? Those thoughts not only make you feel bad but they stop you from going after what it is you want.” (5:55 | Leslie Randolph)
“That doesn’t mean today’s result is going to dictate what happens in the future, only you can if you stop trying. And you’ll stop trying if you tell yourself you suck, you’re a failure, and it’s never going to happen.” (11:58 | Leslie Randolph)
“If your best friend called and said, ‘I didn’t make the team,’ or ‘I didn’t get the promotion,’ would you sit there and say, ‘Well, you kind of suck. I mean, you’re a total failure and you’re probably never going to get it, I mean, it’s never going to happen for you.’ Would you say that to her? No. No, you wouldn’t. And if you did, chances are she wouldn’t be your best friend for long.” (9:11 | Leslie Randolph) 
“Learning to remove yourself from situations that make you feel terrible is a total act of self love.” (15:02 | Leslie)
“Self-confidence is an inside job, which means the source of it comes from within as well.” (19:58 | Leslie Randolph)
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"Self-confidence is an inside job," Leslie Randolph asserts in this solo episode of "Why Didn’t They Tell Us?" Despite this truth, many of us allow others' opinions, which often mirror our own insecurities, to shape our self-perception. This fear of external judgment hinders us from pursuing our desires, whether it's starting a business, joining a club, or parenting in our own way. To combat this, Leslie introduces practical tools to help us reclaim our self-confidence and courageously pursue our true paths.
 
Echoing the investigative approach of journalists with the Five Ws—who, what, when, where, why—Leslie guides us to interrogate the fears and seek approval from the "they" whose opinions we fear and crave. She debunks the myths surrounding these perceived judgements and uncovers the true nature of criticism. Leslie then encourages us to ask ourselves a pivotal question, one that connects us more deeply with our desires and empowers us to act with confidence.
 
The episode invites listeners to dial down their "bully brain" and amplify their "bestie brain," reconnecting with their adolescent selves—a time when many of us were acutely concerned with others' views. Through Leslie's insights, we learn to silence our internal critic and foster a supportive inner dialogue, empowering us to believe in ourselves, irrespective of external voices.
 
Quotes
“When we’re so concerned about what other people will think about us or say about us if we go after our goals, then we often don’t.” (4:15 | Leslie Randolph)
“Listen, you’re wonderful. You’re amazing. You are special. But not everyone is talking about you. You could be Oprah, Beyonce, Ghandi or Lady Gaga and still, not everyone in the world is talking about you, caring about you or even thinking about you.” (8:35 | Leslie Randolph) 
“Are they going to raise your kids for you? Are they going to pay your rent because you walked away from that professional path or from launching a business? Chances are, no. They’re not.” (11:36 | Leslie Randolph) 
“That internal naysayer, it’s just your bully brain holding you back. It’s dressed up in other people’s opinions, but it’s all happening in your mind.” (14:48 | Leslie Randolph)
“When you challenge the story and write a new one with the bestie as the narrator, it’s amazing what you’ll find, and, more importantly, what you’ll do.” (18:13 | Leslie Randolph)
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We know we’re not supposed to care what people think of us. But as host Leslie Randolph explains on this solo episode of “Why Didn’t They Tell Us,” we are literally hard-wired to care what people think of us, to want to be liked and accepted, and to belong. At one time, when we all lived as members of tribes, the approval of others was literally a matter of life and death. To illustrate this, Leslie recalls her time spent living in South Africa and why the sight of a lone impala filled her with such dread. 
 
Caring about what others think isn’t such a bad thing. After all, it’s important to be mindful of other people’s feelings. The most important thing is to make sure our concern is mindful, and that we don’t please others and seek validation at the risk of our own self-confidence or sense of self. There is only one of each of us in the world, and it is our responsibility to the truest versions of ourselves. Leslie shares a story of shopping for a dress she loved but that her daughter hated, and what Leslie decided to do in response. 
 
So, let’s cut ourselves some slack. Caring what others think is a default setting, which won’t go away. But with Leslie’s help throughout today’s discussion, we can make a deliberate mental shift, and make sure our opinion of ourselves reigns supreme. Join the conversation to learn more about the upcoming Bully to Bestie Bootcamp, where you’ll learn more about self-confidence and positive self-talk. 
 
Quotes:
 
“Doubt, fear, and anxiety are all part of the package of being a perfectly imperfect human. The only difference between those successful and self-confident people among us is that we don’t let those emotions be the decision-makers in our lives. We don’t let those emotions and the voices creating them, the thoughts creating those feelings, have the microphone in our minds.” (1:28 | Leslie)
“We are biologically wired to care what other people think of us. It’s truly a primitive survival mechanism. Caring what other people think of you is part of that pack mentality that ensures your safety out there in the wild. I know we’re not in the wild, but some days it feels like that doesn’t it?” (9:48 | Leslie Randolph)
“You are the only you in this world. You are the only you that we’ve got. It is literally your responsibility to be you. And if you have to be anything else, or less than you to win someone’s approval of you, then my friend, that is too high a cost. Then that someone’s not for you.” (15:27 | Leslie Randolph) 
“Think about it: if you have to be something or someone else other than what you are for someone to like you, then they aren’t worth it. They’re literally not for you! That high opinion that you worked so hard to achieve is of someone that isn’t even you.” (15:56 | Leslie Randolph) 
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