I Went To My First BDSM Party... And Here's What Happened

Stop being a dull insecure child and get the in car.

Bondage: "Sexual practice that involves the tying up or restraining of one partner."

Discipline: "The practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience."

Sadism: "The tendency to derive pleasure, especially sexual gratification, from inflicting pain, suffering, or humiliation on others."

Masochism: "The tendency to derive pleasure, especially sexual gratification, from one's own pain or humiliation."

—Oxford Languages

Educating myself on the practices and purpose of the community before I embarked into the naughty night was paramount.

Toxic masculinity, my relationship with law enforcement, and my cultural responsibility as a Black man placed unwanted perceptions of dominance on me. Is the BDSM community a place where I have the ability to choose how I'm treated?   

Consent is the priority through safe words, risk awareness, and thorough communication. 

Thank the kink gods. I was worried.

No one was going to interrupt our all-night adventure out in the middle nowhere.

As I pulled back the curtain, I realized this moment was much like coming out of the closet. It fulfilled a deep desire, but opened up a whole new set of insecurities that once were dark fantasies.

There is a stigma surrounding the underground cultures of BDSM. It was important to me that I left all judgment and insecurity outside. They weren't welcome to join me on this adventure.

To the right of the entrance was a set of run-down bathrooms, and to the left was a pair of bartenders in latex bodysuits and high heels, standing before a towering bookshelf filled with books, bottles of alcohol, decorated skulls, and juice mixers. Tucked beside the bar top was a pair of authentically hand-carved confession booths. My ignorant question of "Why would they put this here?" was quickly met with a sassy eye roll and a vivid explanation. In this fantasyland, it was a glory hole for a more unconventional confession of perversion. Oh.

Everybody was kissing on everybody.

I chose my weapons like I was bonding with a deck of tarot cards. Each of us touched the item together. This was customary. I decided on a leather flog for the domme and a thick, clear paddle for the assistant to use on me. 

The irony wasn't lost on me. A Black man who knows about the damage bondage and abuse created for my culture indulging in an activity like this? What am I doing? The taboo fueled my dark curiosity. I was ashamed of assuming my most feared position, arms held high and legs spread, but something was different this time. I was in control. I selected the apparatus, the tools of the trade, my dominatrix, and her muscular assistant.

This was the next level. A feared suggestion morphed into a welcomed desire. The domme constantly checked on me, whispering into my ear, rubbing her hands along my back. "How are you feeling, sweetie?" I was never left in the dark or neglected. I felt just as much comfort as pain.

When I was released from her entrancing, nurturing embrace, I walk into the dungeon wonderland with a new color of energy. I took to the music as if no one else saw me. It felt like I was surrounded by mirrors and enjoyed what I saw from every angle for one of the first times in my life. The nerves were gone.

The brief dominant experience was emotionally satisfying.

Nobody was asking why are you wearing that? Why do you act this way? What is wrong with you? This was a world of acceptance and consent. Here, the barriers of judgment based on misrepresentation in media or narrow-minded views didn't exist.

We navigate the world as if our humanity is at the bottom of the chain of command. We must survive a series of strict approvals from the executives and the old Trustees before our creative visions, and our true nature can become realized.

It was the beginning of curiosity to discover who I am without religious constraint, childhood insecurity, and extreme fear of defining my freedom, physically, mentally, and sexually.