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Friends: Understanding the Power of our Most Important Relationships
riends matter to us, and they matter more than we think. The single most surprising fact to emerge out of the medical literature over the last decade or so has been that the number and quality of the friendships we have has a bigger influence on our happiness, health and even mortality risk than anything else except giving up smoking.
Robin Dunbar is the world-renowned psychologist and author who famously discovered Dunbar's number: how our capacity for friendship is limited to around 150 people. In Friends, he looks at friendship in the round, at the way different types of friendship and family relationships intersect, or at the complex of psychological and behavioural mechanisms that underpin friendships and make them possible - and just how complicated the business of making and keeping friends actually is.
Mixing insights from scientific research with first person experiences and culture, Friends explores and integrates knowledge from disciplines ranging from psychology and anthropology to neuroscience and genetics in a single magical weave that allows us to peer into the incredible complexity of the social world in which we are all so deeply embedded.
Working at the coalface of the subject at both research and personal levels, Robin Dunbar has written the definitive book on how and why we are friends.v
Robin Dunbar is the world-renowned psychologist and author who famously discovered Dunbar's number: how our capacity for friendship is limited to around 150 people. In Friends, he looks at friendship in the round, at the way different types of friendship and family relationships intersect, or at the complex of psychological and behavioural mechanisms that underpin friendships and make them possible - and just how complicated the business of making and keeping friends actually is.
Mixing insights from scientific research with first person experiences and culture, Friends explores and integrates knowledge from disciplines ranging from psychology and anthropology to neuroscience and genetics in a single magical weave that allows us to peer into the incredible complexity of the social world in which we are all so deeply embedded.
Working at the coalface of the subject at both research and personal levels, Robin Dunbar has written the definitive book on how and why we are friends.v
432 pages, Paperback
Published March 9, 2021
About the author
Robin I.M. Dunbar
37 books217 followersRobin Ian MacDonald Dunbar FBA FRAI is a British anthropologist and evolutionary psychologist and a specialist in primate behaviour.
Dunbar's academic and research career includes the University of Bristol, University of Cambridge from 1977 until 1982, and University College London from 1987 until 1994. In 1994, Dunbar became Professor of Evolutionary Psychology at University of Liverpool, but he left Liverpool in 2007 to take up the post of Director of the Institute of Cognitive and Evolutionary Anthropology, University of Oxford.
Dunbar's academic and research career includes the University of Bristol, University of Cambridge from 1977 until 1982, and University College London from 1987 until 1994. In 1994, Dunbar became Professor of Evolutionary Psychology at University of Liverpool, but he left Liverpool in 2007 to take up the post of Director of the Institute of Cognitive and Evolutionary Anthropology, University of Oxford.
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November 29, 2021
As someone who completely agrees with the premise of Dunbar’s theories (‘friends are important’) and who was excited to read his work, I was pretty devastated by the shoddiness and fraudulence of this book.
Now, I’d treat any scientific paper he had a hand in with skepticism. In the book he first goes through the importance of friendships to a healthy mind and a healthy life - conflating correlation and causation a few too many times, which was annoying and disappointing, but I did actually accept his overall argument, so took it all with a pinch of salt and moved on.
The next section though is criminal. He takes the magic number he became famous for (150, our supposed maximum number of friendships) and then cherry picks study after study where a number near 150 appears, and then waves it around as a win for his theory - and then explains to the reader that although yes *technically* this study also mentions a lot of numbers that are not 150, but you can actually ignore all of those for reasons he’s making up as he goes along. E.g. we can ignore the data stating that young people actually report having 250 friends, because they must just be exaggerating. At another point he’s completely unsure whether to say a hunter gatherer society’s ‘real’ group is their community (smallest), their band, their mega band, or their tribe (largest). He checks the data, and it shows that communities are the closest to 150. So of course he proclaims that one the ‘real’ group. The others can be ignored.
Confirmation bias after confirmation bias - and this is roughly where I stopped reading.
If you’ve ever been taught how to spot scientific fraud - or perhaps negligence, to be generous - looks like in the real world (and I recommend Science Fictions by Stuart Ritchie for this), it’s everywhere in this book, coming from one of the most widely-cited anthropologists of all time. Alarm bells.
His obsession with this number is understandable: it made him very very famous, and if he’s forced to admit it’s based on not very much (which I only began to think *after* I started reading this book) then he’ll have to admit science has moved past his work. There’s nothing wrong with that. That’s how science works. But by bending all the facts into a nice little bow around his number, he’s just holding everyone back.
Considered giving this 2 stars because when he’s not accidentally or deliberately misleading the reader a lot of the content is still interesting, but I honestly just can’t recommend this to anyone in good faith. The worst kind of pop science book - one that takes something the reader actually already knew, and then manages to say it fraudulently anyway.
Now, I’d treat any scientific paper he had a hand in with skepticism. In the book he first goes through the importance of friendships to a healthy mind and a healthy life - conflating correlation and causation a few too many times, which was annoying and disappointing, but I did actually accept his overall argument, so took it all with a pinch of salt and moved on.
The next section though is criminal. He takes the magic number he became famous for (150, our supposed maximum number of friendships) and then cherry picks study after study where a number near 150 appears, and then waves it around as a win for his theory - and then explains to the reader that although yes *technically* this study also mentions a lot of numbers that are not 150, but you can actually ignore all of those for reasons he’s making up as he goes along. E.g. we can ignore the data stating that young people actually report having 250 friends, because they must just be exaggerating. At another point he’s completely unsure whether to say a hunter gatherer society’s ‘real’ group is their community (smallest), their band, their mega band, or their tribe (largest). He checks the data, and it shows that communities are the closest to 150. So of course he proclaims that one the ‘real’ group. The others can be ignored.
Confirmation bias after confirmation bias - and this is roughly where I stopped reading.
If you’ve ever been taught how to spot scientific fraud - or perhaps negligence, to be generous - looks like in the real world (and I recommend Science Fictions by Stuart Ritchie for this), it’s everywhere in this book, coming from one of the most widely-cited anthropologists of all time. Alarm bells.
His obsession with this number is understandable: it made him very very famous, and if he’s forced to admit it’s based on not very much (which I only began to think *after* I started reading this book) then he’ll have to admit science has moved past his work. There’s nothing wrong with that. That’s how science works. But by bending all the facts into a nice little bow around his number, he’s just holding everyone back.
Considered giving this 2 stars because when he’s not accidentally or deliberately misleading the reader a lot of the content is still interesting, but I honestly just can’t recommend this to anyone in good faith. The worst kind of pop science book - one that takes something the reader actually already knew, and then manages to say it fraudulently anyway.
November 8, 2023
Dunbar's claim to fame is "Dunbar's Number", which states that we can only maintain 150 stable relationships at any time. These are defined as people with whom we can sustain a long conversation without any introductions if we met them at an airport. This number is actually one of a number of concentric circles of people we consider "friends". Of the 150, 50 can be considered part of a group of close friends - people for whom we would feel genuine sadness if we learnt of their passing. Of the 50, 15 are considered part of a support group that offers emotional sustenance. Of the 15, five are considered to be our best friends. Moving outwards from 150, we have 500 acquaintances. There are then 1,500 people for whom we can match names to faces, and a terra incognita of 5,000 faces which we can recognise but may not necessarily match.
The methodology for these numbers is based on the somewhat outdated practice of Christmas card mailing lists in the UK. It is also confirmed by other independent numbers - for instance, the size of communes in California and of villages in 11th century England peak at around 150, with secondary peaks at around 15, 50, and 500, showing that humans naturally organise themselves into communities revolving around the different levels of intensity in their bonds. Another interesting study measured the sizes of prehistoric communal spaces (e.g., Stonehenge) and assessed the number of people they could accommodate. The resultant numbers tended to cluster around 15, 50, 150, and 500 too.
One key trend to highlight is that the scaling factor between each concentric circle is around 3. This could be evidence that friendships are triadic rather than dyadic. For instance, X and Y may be friends because 0f another friend, Z; or X and Y may bond over their mutual dislike of Z. Because of this, for every friend X at any given level of friendship, Y and Z are likely to appear in the next concentric circle of friends. This explains the expansive nature of friendships up to the mental limit on the number of faces we can recall.
The distribution of friends across the concentric circles can also be explained by evolutionary game theory. Because of the time and effort needed to invest in a relationship, we can only have a handful of friends in an inner circle (we spend about 40% of time with friends with just these 5 people), but to hedge against potential loss of friendship, we spend small amounts of time to maintain relationships of varying closeness that can readily substitute for losses in the worst-case scenarios. Because the motive for having friends in the outer layers is ostensibly quite mercenary, the friends at the 150-layer have a higher turnover rate year-on-year, while the core group remains largely the same. The number of friends in the 150-layer peaks around age 30 then declines gradually till we reach old age, possibly because we have sufficient confidence that our present relationships have become secure. Another theory is that we can only have five people in our inner circle because this is the optimal number at which conflict between any two members of that group is unlikely.
The logical extension of the theory of concentric circles is that there is another circle closer to the core beyond our group of five - a group with 1.5 people, reserved for our most intimate friends. This is apparently consistent with Dunbar's theory - women tend to disproportionately have two best friends (typically one romantic partner and one platonic female best friend), and men tend to have only one (either a romantic partner or a platonic male friend). This is possibly why men tend to have a higher rate of depression and suicide following divorce compared to women, and why men tend to remarry much quicker in the hopes of companionship.
There is supposedly also a difference in the friendship modes of the sexes (was a bit disorganised). My main takeaway is that men and women tend to engage with friends differently for ostensibly biological reasons. Females tend to quantify friendship based on the amount of emotional counsel they receive from someone, while males tend to quantify it based on the duration of their acquaintance, especially with regard to the time they spend doing activities together. A study of Facebook profile pictures shows that women's profiles predominantly skew towards pictures of two people, reflecting the desire for personal connection in an intimate setting, while men's profile pictures tend to be group photos depicting some activity like drinking, sports, or travel. In general, men were more likely to list down people they had a shared history and experiences with as friends, even if they were no longer in regular contact, while women were more likely to list down friends they had regular contact with, even if the duration of their friendship was low. This could be because female monkeys generally held the responsibility of upholding cohesive bonds within bands. They did this largely through developing friendships by grooming the hair of other females, a practice which ceased when humans stopped developing large coats of hair but which continues in mores subtle forms.
I feel that this book is only the tip of the iceberg with regard to the sociology/psychology/biology of friendships. These relationships are generally underexplored and will almost certainly remain somewhat ineffable and complex.
The methodology for these numbers is based on the somewhat outdated practice of Christmas card mailing lists in the UK. It is also confirmed by other independent numbers - for instance, the size of communes in California and of villages in 11th century England peak at around 150, with secondary peaks at around 15, 50, and 500, showing that humans naturally organise themselves into communities revolving around the different levels of intensity in their bonds. Another interesting study measured the sizes of prehistoric communal spaces (e.g., Stonehenge) and assessed the number of people they could accommodate. The resultant numbers tended to cluster around 15, 50, 150, and 500 too.
One key trend to highlight is that the scaling factor between each concentric circle is around 3. This could be evidence that friendships are triadic rather than dyadic. For instance, X and Y may be friends because 0f another friend, Z; or X and Y may bond over their mutual dislike of Z. Because of this, for every friend X at any given level of friendship, Y and Z are likely to appear in the next concentric circle of friends. This explains the expansive nature of friendships up to the mental limit on the number of faces we can recall.
The distribution of friends across the concentric circles can also be explained by evolutionary game theory. Because of the time and effort needed to invest in a relationship, we can only have a handful of friends in an inner circle (we spend about 40% of time with friends with just these 5 people), but to hedge against potential loss of friendship, we spend small amounts of time to maintain relationships of varying closeness that can readily substitute for losses in the worst-case scenarios. Because the motive for having friends in the outer layers is ostensibly quite mercenary, the friends at the 150-layer have a higher turnover rate year-on-year, while the core group remains largely the same. The number of friends in the 150-layer peaks around age 30 then declines gradually till we reach old age, possibly because we have sufficient confidence that our present relationships have become secure. Another theory is that we can only have five people in our inner circle because this is the optimal number at which conflict between any two members of that group is unlikely.
The logical extension of the theory of concentric circles is that there is another circle closer to the core beyond our group of five - a group with 1.5 people, reserved for our most intimate friends. This is apparently consistent with Dunbar's theory - women tend to disproportionately have two best friends (typically one romantic partner and one platonic female best friend), and men tend to have only one (either a romantic partner or a platonic male friend). This is possibly why men tend to have a higher rate of depression and suicide following divorce compared to women, and why men tend to remarry much quicker in the hopes of companionship.
There is supposedly also a difference in the friendship modes of the sexes (was a bit disorganised). My main takeaway is that men and women tend to engage with friends differently for ostensibly biological reasons. Females tend to quantify friendship based on the amount of emotional counsel they receive from someone, while males tend to quantify it based on the duration of their acquaintance, especially with regard to the time they spend doing activities together. A study of Facebook profile pictures shows that women's profiles predominantly skew towards pictures of two people, reflecting the desire for personal connection in an intimate setting, while men's profile pictures tend to be group photos depicting some activity like drinking, sports, or travel. In general, men were more likely to list down people they had a shared history and experiences with as friends, even if they were no longer in regular contact, while women were more likely to list down friends they had regular contact with, even if the duration of their friendship was low. This could be because female monkeys generally held the responsibility of upholding cohesive bonds within bands. They did this largely through developing friendships by grooming the hair of other females, a practice which ceased when humans stopped developing large coats of hair but which continues in mores subtle forms.
I feel that this book is only the tip of the iceberg with regard to the sociology/psychology/biology of friendships. These relationships are generally underexplored and will almost certainly remain somewhat ineffable and complex.
May 2, 2021
Definitely some insightful things here. However, I think there's also a lot of conjecture and the author seems to have some very ... interesting.... ideas about women - at one point he suggests that women talk less in mixed-sex large groups because the pitch of their voices makes it difficult for them to be heard..... Worth reading but definitely with a critical lens.
April 12, 2021
In this book, eminent Professor Robin Dunbar discusses friendships. His treatise covers the evolutionary origin of friendship, the brain mechanisms of individual differences in social skills, differences in friendship style between men and women, changing friendships across the lifespan, differences in friendship between the online and real-world, among many other topics. The thorough look into friendship is both illuminating and refreshing. There are many books on the psychology of other relationships, e.g. between romantic partners, siblings, or parents and children, but friendships are a neglected topic. The great importance of friendship should be quite clear to everyone now that we had to spend a long time either relatively isolated from our friends or cooped up with a few of them. The book uncovers many of the behaviours that highlight why we may be friends with certain people, how we maintain friendships, and why some friendships break down. I found these discussions intellectually stimulating and practically important. The book is also very readable. There are many anecdotes and funny observations sprinkled in that make the more technical discussions more approachable. My only slight criticism is that there are some extrapolations, especially around gender differences and evolutionary psychology, that veer a bit too far from the supporting evidence for my taste. In sum, I think this book is great for anyone interested in psychology, human evolution, or behavioural economics.
May 19, 2022
Read as though it was written over 10 years ago...not much on Covid, dating apps, social media, how friendship has changed. There's research, but the research seems scant in many places. Liked all the examples from the animal kingdom. Also would have liked to read more about people who are happy being alone, rather than all loners being social miscreants.
November 15, 2021
Maybe I had the wrong expectations, I expected something more practical than a review of all the science experiments the author was involved in. Some of the insights are interesting (e.g. the 7 pillars of friendship), though very much spread out through the book. The last chapter feels rushed to put COVID into context last minute, and I'd loved a bit more analysis of the role of diversity for both the resilience and the innovation of community/circles of friends.
That said, if you want to get insights into all kinds of research in the area of friendship and relationship, this is the book for you.
That said, if you want to get insights into all kinds of research in the area of friendship and relationship, this is the book for you.
August 2, 2021
A very thorough read with interesting insights, covering all social relationships, not just friends. The description of each study got a little tiring towards the end, but still learned a lot from their insights. 3.5/5
Want to read
March 27, 2022Hmm, maybe read?
Glowing review at David Brooks’ The Secrets of Lasting Friendships .
Glowing review at David Brooks’ The Secrets of Lasting Friendships .
June 18, 2021
A fascinating and thorough review of the literature (much of it Dunbar's own work) on friends and friendship, an alarming amount of which confirms gender stereotypes. It is confronting to read that boys choose trucks and girls choose dolls because they really are wired that way, that it isn't an entirely social construct (even if corporations mine it to death for sales). More alarming still, as many of my friendships dwindle away, and the points of connection that brought us together recede into the past, is the book's key message: the only thing that will kill you as swiftly as loneliness is smoking. Having active friendships improves pretty much all aspects of your health, including your higher brain functions. It isn't a scintillating read but it does clarify the need to figure out who your real friends are and call them / message them / hang out.
May 15, 2022
This book, although it's not bad, was a bit of a letdown for me. In many sections, the author presents you with information that you already know intuitively or find unsurprising, then tells you about some research that confirms the idea or explains the scientific background to the phenomenon, such as biochemistry or active brain regions. It is interesting, but it may not rock your world.
September 12, 2022
I’ve heard of “Dunbar’s number” a million times, but I’ve never actually read any of Robin Dunbar’s work, so this was my introduction to him. This book was surprisingly good, and I only say that because some books on relationships only cover the good side. As someone who was an addict until I was 27 and group up in a toxic household, I respect when someone researches and writes about at least some of the dark side of relationships.
Dunbar is an evolutionary psychologist who studies relationships, and this book has so much awesome research. In this book, you’ll learn why your friends are your friends and why you lose touch with certain people. The book also discusses why we trust people, why relationships go south, and so much more. I think my favorite chapter by far was the last chapter on social media. You’d think this book would demonize social media like so many others, but it has a balanced, nuanced take and a solid interpretation of the research.
There were a couple of portions of the book that lost my interest, but it was rare, so I definitely recommend it for anyone who wants to learn more about the importance of relationships.
Dunbar is an evolutionary psychologist who studies relationships, and this book has so much awesome research. In this book, you’ll learn why your friends are your friends and why you lose touch with certain people. The book also discusses why we trust people, why relationships go south, and so much more. I think my favorite chapter by far was the last chapter on social media. You’d think this book would demonize social media like so many others, but it has a balanced, nuanced take and a solid interpretation of the research.
There were a couple of portions of the book that lost my interest, but it was rare, so I definitely recommend it for anyone who wants to learn more about the importance of relationships.
January 29, 2022
Well researched and filled with so many interesting insights. Who would’ve thought our relationship patterns are so standard and predictable?!
Unfortunately the author did not give sufficient ‘next steps’ to explain what the information means for future relationships and how to improve relationships post-COVID.
It’s not a light read (references many academic studies) but definitely worth the time and focus!
Unfortunately the author did not give sufficient ‘next steps’ to explain what the information means for future relationships and how to improve relationships post-COVID.
It’s not a light read (references many academic studies) but definitely worth the time and focus!
March 17, 2023
This book started out really interesting and then read more and more like a review of research papers the further along I got. It never became unreadable, but my eyes did glaze over a few times. There were definitely some gems and the information about how different areas of the brain are activated in response to different situations was intriguing. The chapter on gender differences was also unexpected and fascinating. This book was incredibly dense to read, but some good information overall.
October 30, 2022
This book accompanied me through a summer of thinking about friendship and the reflections were of such nature that I found myself constantly sharing and discussing them with others around me. My only regret is that the ending did not offer a summary of some sort and that the expressed views on gender were rather traditional.
June 29, 2022
Insightful, useful knowledge for life, relationships and the work environment.
August 3, 2022
I bought this book when I was randomly strolling in a bookstore, contemplating an issue I had with a friend. However, since then the book was left unopened on my bookshelf — until one day, another friend introduced 'Dunbar's number' to me. Dunbar's number is named after Robin Dunbar, who contended that each person can only maintain 150 meaningful relationship at a time. Our discussion motivated me to read the book (finally).
This book explores different aspects of friendships. It seeks to explain, for example, what binds the bonds of friendship, what role trust plays in friendship, and how men and women treat friends differently. Overall, it is a very informative book. I learnt more about my social self and friendships from a scientific perspective. A commendable read!
This book explores different aspects of friendships. It seeks to explain, for example, what binds the bonds of friendship, what role trust plays in friendship, and how men and women treat friends differently. Overall, it is a very informative book. I learnt more about my social self and friendships from a scientific perspective. A commendable read!
December 25, 2021
2.5 stars // Interesting content, fleshed out my recent musings regarding friendships more. The writing is nothing remarkable; very straight forward and readable.
I wish Dunbar had elaborated more on the seven pillars of friendship, though, but I guess they haven't done any specific follow-ups on it (yet).
I wish Dunbar had elaborated more on the seven pillars of friendship, though, but I guess they haven't done any specific follow-ups on it (yet).
February 12, 2022
Thoroughly enjoyed this book. Lots of interesting insights and aha moments as the science backs up some familiar scenarios and situations.
I would recommend to anyone who is also interested in sociology and psychology. Though if not you might get a bit bogged down in the usually quite detailed descriptions of some of the research the book is based on.
I would recommend to anyone who is also interested in sociology and psychology. Though if not you might get a bit bogged down in the usually quite detailed descriptions of some of the research the book is based on.
August 15, 2021
Very time consuming but no conclusion
The book is full of research and different kind of studies but no conclusion and no summery which one can put into practice. It would have been better to write a short book with conclusion from all the data which has been put forward.
The book is full of research and different kind of studies but no conclusion and no summery which one can put into practice. It would have been better to write a short book with conclusion from all the data which has been put forward.
June 4, 2021
The first few chapters were boring and almost put me off the book. However, persistence paid off, and there are plenty of gems in this book, well worth the read.
December 17, 2023
Really great information but some of it is obvious
November 2, 2023
First off, I was very confused by this book's cover. What are all these blue-black words? It took me a moment to realize the title and subtitle are down there at the bottom. But forget the cover! I'm sorry I brought it up. Let's move inside. Where there be gold! Solid gold. Robin Dunbar is such a cheery brain to hang out with. He starts off quickly: "Perhaps the most surprising finding to emerge from the medical literature over the past two decades has been the evidence that the more friends we have, the less likely we are to fall prey to diseases, and the longer we will live." Sound bunk? He thought you might say that so he casually dips you into the research covering, no big deal, 300,000 people across 148 studies. And it's not "fill out your mood on a scale of one to five" that these studies measure, either. It's lifespan. "Hard-nosed", Robin calls it. And so, okay, when you look at this giant body of research what does it ultimately all boil down to? In maybe the most powerful point in the book he writes "… it is not too much of an exaggeration to say that you can eat as much as you like, drink as much alcohol as you want, slob about as much as you fancy, fail to do your exercises and live in as polluted an atmosphere as you can find, and you will barely notice the difference. But having no friends or not being involved in community activities will dramatically affect how long you live." Heeeeeeeeeeeeads up. Time to reinvest in your connections with those close to you. Call your parents. Call your siblings. Be active and generous in your fantasy football group text. And sidenote: What is a 'friend'? They are relationships "all about a sense of obligation and the exchange of favors—the people you wouldn't feel embarrassed about asking for a favor and whom you wouldn't think twice about helping out." To color the definition in he also says "being on a Christmas card list is a marker." Is your list smaller than it used to be? Mine too. And it doesn't help that we spend more and more time alone as we get older. So what do we do? Unplug. Get offline. Meet in person. Sign up for live events. Plan holiday dinners. Laugh together. Cook together. Walk together. Exercise together. Go to concerts together. Be aware of the rising disconnection in our increasingly connected world and invest in two-way friendships that will pay massive dividends as we age.
February 1, 2024
Rendkívül vegyesek az érzéseim.
A szerző igyekszik az emberi kapcsoaltok terén elvégzett számos kutatásának eredményeit érthető és izgalmas formában átadni az olvasónak.
A kötet egyértelműen érdekesebb és értékelhetőb oldala amikor ezeknek a kutatásoknak a kontextusát és eredményeit közli, számos olyan statisztikával és meglepő ténnyel találkozik az olvasó, melyek jó gondolatébesztők.
A kevésbé problematikus, de helyenként annál unalmasabb részei, ahol olyan eredmények messze menő magyarázatát olvashatjuk, melyek minden napi társas tapasztalataink révén cseppet sem meglepőek, tudományos értelemben azonban ezek is eredmények.
Nagyon dícséretes, hogy tetemes menyiségű publikációt sorol fel a könyv végén, azonban már-már érthetetlen és rendkívül bosszantó hogy ezek a szövegben miért nincsenek meghivatkozva. Számomra ez is inkább csak a tudománytalanság látszatát keltik.
Az igazi probléma azonban azoknál a szekcióknál kezdődik, ahol a szerző messzemenő következtetéseket tesz és ezek a következtetések vagy nem kellően megalapozottak, vagy teljesen tudománytalanok, tehát inkább vélemény, theória vagy értékítélet kategóriákba soroná az ember.
A vonzalom a 3-s, 5-s és 150-s(nevesített Dunbar szám) számok irányt helyenként olyan méreteket ölt, hogy a szerző az adatok jóhiszemű szelektálása/torzítása és totális fogalomzavar eszközétől sem riad vissza.
Ami még említésre méltó és ez szigoróan a magyar kiadás kritikája csupán, általánosságban nincs nagy probléma, de helyenként botrányos a fordítás. Magyartalan kifejezések, szlengek, mondat közepén hagyott értelmetlen írásjelek csúfítják a szöveget.
A szerző igyekszik az emberi kapcsoaltok terén elvégzett számos kutatásának eredményeit érthető és izgalmas formában átadni az olvasónak.
A kötet egyértelműen érdekesebb és értékelhetőb oldala amikor ezeknek a kutatásoknak a kontextusát és eredményeit közli, számos olyan statisztikával és meglepő ténnyel találkozik az olvasó, melyek jó gondolatébesztők.
A kevésbé problematikus, de helyenként annál unalmasabb részei, ahol olyan eredmények messze menő magyarázatát olvashatjuk, melyek minden napi társas tapasztalataink révén cseppet sem meglepőek, tudományos értelemben azonban ezek is eredmények.
Nagyon dícséretes, hogy tetemes menyiségű publikációt sorol fel a könyv végén, azonban már-már érthetetlen és rendkívül bosszantó hogy ezek a szövegben miért nincsenek meghivatkozva. Számomra ez is inkább csak a tudománytalanság látszatát keltik.
Az igazi probléma azonban azoknál a szekcióknál kezdődik, ahol a szerző messzemenő következtetéseket tesz és ezek a következtetések vagy nem kellően megalapozottak, vagy teljesen tudománytalanok, tehát inkább vélemény, theória vagy értékítélet kategóriákba soroná az ember.
A vonzalom a 3-s, 5-s és 150-s(nevesített Dunbar szám) számok irányt helyenként olyan méreteket ölt, hogy a szerző az adatok jóhiszemű szelektálása/torzítása és totális fogalomzavar eszközétől sem riad vissza.
Ami még említésre méltó és ez szigoróan a magyar kiadás kritikája csupán, általánosságban nincs nagy probléma, de helyenként botrányos a fordítás. Magyartalan kifejezések, szlengek, mondat közepén hagyott értelmetlen írásjelek csúfítják a szöveget.
July 16, 2022
This is a great book.
Robin Dunbar fans will recognize his deeply informed, very readable prose, and his comfortable and spectacular familiarity with quite a number of well-researched points of view.
Friends will confirm what you already know, on some level: friends and close family members are essential in your personal and social life, and you don’t have very many of them.
Typically, a person has five close friends/family members with whom she can share anything and everything, as often as possible. These five intimates are part of the circle of about 15 “best friends” that are nurtured and enjoyed in the greater part of the time you spend socializing, that is, being with and being in contact with other people.
Impersonal contact via social media is not a substitute for actually spending time with your friends. (By the way, nobody has 897 "friends” on Faceboook or SnapChat—if you think you do, try calling them and getting them to meet you for coffee or anything else to drink.)
Staying in touch with friends is especially important for old-timers. You can literally live longer if you maintain some active friendships.
The basis thing about friendship is trust: you know the other person well enough to understand how he thinks, and you trust him to act accordingly, and you know you can ask him for help if you need it.
Read more of my book reviews and poems here:
www.richardsubber.com
Robin Dunbar fans will recognize his deeply informed, very readable prose, and his comfortable and spectacular familiarity with quite a number of well-researched points of view.
Friends will confirm what you already know, on some level: friends and close family members are essential in your personal and social life, and you don’t have very many of them.
Typically, a person has five close friends/family members with whom she can share anything and everything, as often as possible. These five intimates are part of the circle of about 15 “best friends” that are nurtured and enjoyed in the greater part of the time you spend socializing, that is, being with and being in contact with other people.
Impersonal contact via social media is not a substitute for actually spending time with your friends. (By the way, nobody has 897 "friends” on Faceboook or SnapChat—if you think you do, try calling them and getting them to meet you for coffee or anything else to drink.)
Staying in touch with friends is especially important for old-timers. You can literally live longer if you maintain some active friendships.
The basis thing about friendship is trust: you know the other person well enough to understand how he thinks, and you trust him to act accordingly, and you know you can ask him for help if you need it.
Read more of my book reviews and poems here:
www.richardsubber.com
June 7, 2022
I feel fortunate to have come upon a Podcast with Alan Alda that led me to this book.
There are some concepts I've never really grasped-- about mentalisazation and it's seven+ levels;
about conversation groups always splitting off after 4 members [it seems true!]
About some primate/ape behaviors based sex differences.
Zahavi's Handicap Principle and how it explains young men taking personal risks [perhaps in order to procreate with smitten young women?] as well as male peacock styling.
Some of the biochemistry of love;
And intrigued with the idea that men may [Dunbar says DO] be better at friendship after competition because they may have to work together with the other men to defend the community.
And reading some comments reminded me that Dunbar follows in the hallowed footsteps [or is that hollowed footsteps?] of so many science advocates by citing ONLY their own studies as proofs. Very few scientists actually explain alternative views and offer critiques of their own and others' views. Almost none. Too bad.
So I am sorta a Dunbar fan boy-- certainly asks great questions. Maybe answers them.
There are some concepts I've never really grasped-- about mentalisazation and it's seven+ levels;
about conversation groups always splitting off after 4 members [it seems true!]
About some primate/ape behaviors based sex differences.
Zahavi's Handicap Principle and how it explains young men taking personal risks [perhaps in order to procreate with smitten young women?] as well as male peacock styling.
Some of the biochemistry of love;
And intrigued with the idea that men may [Dunbar says DO] be better at friendship after competition because they may have to work together with the other men to defend the community.
And reading some comments reminded me that Dunbar follows in the hallowed footsteps [or is that hollowed footsteps?] of so many science advocates by citing ONLY their own studies as proofs. Very few scientists actually explain alternative views and offer critiques of their own and others' views. Almost none. Too bad.
So I am sorta a Dunbar fan boy-- certainly asks great questions. Maybe answers them.
October 7, 2023
This is a very in-depth scientific look at social networks and friendship. It's really interesting because for a lot of like I feel like the material is dated but in the last section he does mention the pandemic so I am not entirely sure when this book was released. There's a lot of juicy interesting nuggets in it but there were a lot of things that I personally cannot agree with based on my personal history… So either I'm an outlier or the book skewed in certain ways by the data that was collected. I also think with any studies there is a challenge to the demographics in which is most often studied. Because college codes are the most likely to sign up for these sorts of studies at the /Universities where they're being conducted it seems like again you would have skew data to a particular demographic. I do appreciate that they made efforts to not just Study White western culture though it is very dominant as he is a British social scientist. I always have been and will always be completely invested and committed to my friendships, I do wonder for some of you who don't fight in those relationships a priority whether in book like this would help you understand why we should be!
June 22, 2022
I'm not using my usual criteria in giving this a five star rating. That is because an extra star goes to Robin for being a colleague when I was in Cambridge England at Madingley, the Sub Department of Animal Behavior. Yes, I'm biased, having been aware of "Dunbar's Number" for many years. I'm very glad that he has finally written up the many years of research on friendship. Not only his voluminous work, but many many named researchers.
Dunbar goes over just about everything you can think of: nervous system, physiology, hormones, neural transmitters, all kinds of scans and tests, genetics, behavior, history, history of research, love, psychology. Reading through all these appetizers, morsels, side dishes, entrees, etc is overwhelming. A glut in the mind. But after savoring and digesting a bit I'm let with a nutritious view of friendships, their importance, how they work, or don't, over age and by gender and background. A must read for anyone with friends and curiosity about their development, maintenance, and loss.
Dunbar goes over just about everything you can think of: nervous system, physiology, hormones, neural transmitters, all kinds of scans and tests, genetics, behavior, history, history of research, love, psychology. Reading through all these appetizers, morsels, side dishes, entrees, etc is overwhelming. A glut in the mind. But after savoring and digesting a bit I'm let with a nutritious view of friendships, their importance, how they work, or don't, over age and by gender and background. A must read for anyone with friends and curiosity about their development, maintenance, and loss.
July 2, 2022
A thought-provoking read that covers a lot of ground in terms of the different elements of friendship; like trust, endings, gender, distance and age. It was a bit sciency for my taste, with big sweeping conclusions made from some vague metrics. I would have been more interested to hear what friendship meant to the author and the participants of the many, many studies listed, rather than how many minutes one group spends on the phone compared to another. I did appreciate some of these tid-bits; it was just a bit tedious at times. I enjoyed some of the earlier speculation by the author but preferred when his opinion was not presented as fact alongside some crude numbers. I suppose the point of the book might be to reflect and explore your thoughts on the raw data, rather than take in all the numbers.
September 9, 2022
2.5⭐: Painful at times. Not much better than the last science-y book on friendship I listened to. People need to learn to reign themselves in! There is a whole lot in here that is not directly applicable to friendship. Such a waste. Boring read... lots of studies and data. It needs storytelling and more application to friendship, not proving yet again that humans are animals and let me talk about these 14 studies from only slightly different angles. The author narrated, and could have found a more lively person for that job.
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