Award-Winning Women's Advancement Advocate | 2x Podcast Host | Speaker | Women@ LinkedIn Leader | Germany’s “100 Women of 2022” | Follow for tips that help women flip the script on money, career & wellbeing conventions
I was hesitant about sharing this on LinkedIn. But after so many women approached me over the past few weeks, I realized there is a need for increased awareness and open dialogue around the topic of #fertility. I’m 28 years old and I just completed an egg freezing cycle that was less successful than I had hoped. Why did I decide to share something so deeply personal publicly where everyone - including my coworkers, my leadership, and my clients - can see it? Because for women, the topics of fertility and career are inevitably intertwined and somehow, our society doesn’t do a great job at addressing that. I know countless incredibly smart and talented career-driven women in their mid/late 20s & early 30s, and the vast majority of them are feeling the pressure of their biological clock ticking. Being confronted with the realities of biological limitations impacting a woman’s career trajectory is an emotional burden our male colleagues will never be able to fully understand. After looking at my LinkedIn profile, a male coworker once called me a “young woman who is in a hurry”. It’s easy for someone with white male privilege to say that. And yes, I am indeed in a hurry because unlike him, I only have a limited number of years left to climb up the corporate ladder until I will have to put my professional aspirations on hold, at least temporarily. Because no matter how privileged an individual woman is, motherhood forces her to adjust her priorities, and in very rare cases does a male partner pull their equal weight. To all the managers out there, especially the male ones, who are telling their exceptional female direct reports that it’s too early for a raise or for a promotion, please be aware that your words and unwillingness to advocate on her behalf can cause some serious emotional damage. Once a woman is passed over for an expected raise or promotion, she is forced to adjust her “timeline”. Trust me, no woman wants to be put in that position because it only causes additional stress and anxiety. As for me, I’m incredibly lucky that I was able to - quite literally - buy myself a bit more time, thanks to generous fertility benefits offered by my employer, LinkedIn. And I wish more companies would start seeing the value of offering these types of benefits or at least have an open, honest dialogue, because in many ways, it’s like granting women a permission slip to feel less guilty and whole heartedly focus on their careers, and therefore an opportunity to level the playing field. #genderequality #womensupportingwomen
Thank you so much for sharing. As a young girl who is soon getting into her 20s, this piece was so helpful. Even teenage girls have this pressure, the biological clock ticking and we start doing things to accommodate the biological clock like not achieving too much, not wanting to try and do things too much, not dreaming too much. It is good that we know as early as now that we can still do all of it, without having to forgo anything. Thank you again. If you feel safe and comfortable, I'd love that you share more on this topic. 🤗❤️
Thank you as always so much for being honest, vulnerable and open Thamina! As someone with a medical disorder that already means fertility will be a struggle, it's so frustrating to hear the 'you're still young' narrative. Egg freezing is something that makes the conversational round through my friendship group every now and again, and it's hard not to view it as inevitable given the current economic climate - the sweet irony of needing more money than we have, egg freezing/IVF costing money, and a very stressy biological countdown. Since I turned twenty I've had doctors tell me to either remove my uterus or get pregnant yesterday, while everyone around me tells me to 'take my time and it can wait until later'🤦♀️so thank you for working towards demystifying a somewhat more reasonable middle ground and stating so concisely what I've been feeling the last couple of years
So well said! Thank you for sharing your story. There is so much that can be done to level the field and ensure women don’t have to put careers on hold any more than men. Starting with new parent leave for birthing and non-birthing parents, paid child care, and a mandatory 8 week leave every 3 years (new parent leave or personal for those who choose not to have children). All of these are good for people and business. Until that day, however, your post reminds us that awareness goes a long way for leaders.
Goodness gracious, I feel the strong pain you have, Thamina. I actually feel so bad about this, especially from an advocacy point of view and from the compassion I have to give on doing so. Do you have at least a support network to help you get through the emotional pain you have right now? This is so heartbreaking! 😭💔
Thank you for speaking up, I hate the fact though that its on women to "be in a hurry" and find a "solution" for a systemic problem, instead of employers and governments creating the conditions for us to thrive and be fulfilled no matter the pace of growth. We've progressed on flexibility (thank you covid) but still need compulsory equal paternal leave for moms and dads, accessible childcare, etc.
Yes yes yes, great post as always! Not only cause emotional damage and TRAUMA (tbh) saying it's "too soon" even when we are more than capable and deserving. Those individual managers are very much the REASON for the compounding damage to our overall mental AND physical health, financial stability, and career success (amongst other things) that we as women -- and in my case especially as a Black women born to immigrant parents -- unfortunately have no choice but to face. Their words and actions play a direct role in not only our own futures though, but also in the future of those very eggs.
Thank you for being so transparent about the whole process and sharing this, Thamina!
Thank you for your vulnerability and for leading such an important conversation. We move closer to equality because of these kinds of conversations. As a woman, I appreciate this so much. I too think about my 'timeline' more and more often as I progress into my 30s. I sincerely hope more men and companies truly take your words on board and make change. 💛
Liebe Thamina, wow find es Klasse, dass du das mit uns teilst. Sehr mutig und ich bin mir sicher, dass sich hier viele Frauen wiederfinden. Das sind Beiträge, die ich wirklich gerne hier auf LinkedIn lese und die mich berühren. ♥️👏🏻
Operations Manager | Entrepreneur | Firefighter | I help companies improve their response times by 50% | DEI 🌈
1yThis is really educational for men who make knee jerk, lazy assumptions about a woman’s intentions. This type of dialogue gives an opportunity for those of us who don’t have these crossroads to navigate, to develop some empathy about what women have experiences with. Keep the conversation going, I’ll be watching and learning. Feel free to give advice on how men can be allies in this experience too 🙂