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The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever
In Michael Bungay Stanier's The Coaching Habit, coaching becomes a regular, informal part of your day so managers and their teams can wok less hard and have more impact.
Drawing on years of experience training more than 10,000 busy managers from around the globe in practical, everyday coaching skills, Bungay Stanier reveals how to unlock your peoples' potential. He unpacks seven essential coaching questions to demonstrate how--by saying less and asking more--you can develop coaching methods that produce great results.
– Get straight to the point in any conversation with The Kickstart Question
– Stay on track during any interaction with The Awe Question
– Save hours of time for yourself with The Lazy Question
– and hours of time for others with The Strategic Question
– Get to the heart of any interpersonal or external challenge with The Focus Question
– and The Foundation Question
– Ensure others find your coaching as beneficial as you do with The Learning Question
A fresh innovative take on the traditional how-to manual, the book combines insider information with research based in neuroscience and behavioural economics, together with interactive training tools to turn practical advice into practiced habits. Witty and conversational, The Coaching Habit takes your work--and your workplace--from good to great.
"Coaching is an art and it's far easier said than done. It takes courage to ask a question rather than offer up advice, provide and answer, or unleash a solution. giving another person the opportunity to find their own way, make their own mistakes, and create their own wisdom is both brave and vulnerable. In this practical and inspiring book, Michael shares seven transformative questions that can make a difference in how we lead and support. And he guides us through the tricky part - how to take this new information and turn it into habits and a daily practice.
--Brené Brown, author of Rising Strong and Daring Greatly
Drawing on years of experience training more than 10,000 busy managers from around the globe in practical, everyday coaching skills, Bungay Stanier reveals how to unlock your peoples' potential. He unpacks seven essential coaching questions to demonstrate how--by saying less and asking more--you can develop coaching methods that produce great results.
– Get straight to the point in any conversation with The Kickstart Question
– Stay on track during any interaction with The Awe Question
– Save hours of time for yourself with The Lazy Question
– and hours of time for others with The Strategic Question
– Get to the heart of any interpersonal or external challenge with The Focus Question
– and The Foundation Question
– Ensure others find your coaching as beneficial as you do with The Learning Question
A fresh innovative take on the traditional how-to manual, the book combines insider information with research based in neuroscience and behavioural economics, together with interactive training tools to turn practical advice into practiced habits. Witty and conversational, The Coaching Habit takes your work--and your workplace--from good to great.
"Coaching is an art and it's far easier said than done. It takes courage to ask a question rather than offer up advice, provide and answer, or unleash a solution. giving another person the opportunity to find their own way, make their own mistakes, and create their own wisdom is both brave and vulnerable. In this practical and inspiring book, Michael shares seven transformative questions that can make a difference in how we lead and support. And he guides us through the tricky part - how to take this new information and turn it into habits and a daily practice.
--Brené Brown, author of Rising Strong and Daring Greatly
117 pages, Kindle Edition
First published February 29, 2016
About the author
Michael Bungay Stanier
39 books445 followersHi - I'm a book reader, writer and lover.
I'm best known for *The Coaching Habit*, the best-selling book on coaching this century. (Close to a million copies sold!)
I'm also the host of the podcast *2 Pages with MBS* where brilliant people read the best two pages of a favourite book.
I'm best known for *The Coaching Habit*, the best-selling book on coaching this century. (Close to a million copies sold!)
I'm also the host of the podcast *2 Pages with MBS* where brilliant people read the best two pages of a favourite book.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,890 reviews
March 1, 2016
A quick read and packed filled with name dropping of other resources, books, authors to lend legitimacy that the author Michael Bungay Stanier looked at other published works to help shape his teachings in The Coaching Habit. I thought it interesting he named so many other bestselling books, but found it disappointing, too. Upon picking this up from NetGalley, I was looking for new insights and a new expert I can rely; not someone else rehashing and selling me wisdom already provided by Dan Pink or Heath Bros.
My own organization is trying to shift from "managing" to "coaching" and I was really curious to know what the key questions are to help unlock the two-way dialogue between coach and coachee. I was so bummed that the #1 question to set the tone is "What's on your mind?" How many times has my own manager asked me that and my mind goes blank or way too many items bubble to the surface that I am overwhelmed with muteness. I know I need a better question to help unlock what's challenging me and I suspect that's also the case with others.
I would have preferred to see more conversational options to help kickstart a coaching session. I understand Ken Blanchard, for instance, has 101 starting questions. Perhaps this book could have enlightened me with more options than "What's on your mind?"
I know many skilled managers/coaches can likely come up with other ways to warm up the conversation, but we'll lose precious time as we keep striving for rapport to get the ball rolling. This is especially a pain when our coaching session is no more than 30 minutes. Which is why I would have appreciated more kickoff tips to figure someone's trigger.
The remaining questions -- "And what else?," "What's the real challenge here for you?," etc. -- were ok suggestions, but the remaining experience was ruined for me because I just could not unblock myself past the author thinking that #1 question was going to magically open the conversational doors.
My own organization is trying to shift from "managing" to "coaching" and I was really curious to know what the key questions are to help unlock the two-way dialogue between coach and coachee. I was so bummed that the #1 question to set the tone is "What's on your mind?" How many times has my own manager asked me that and my mind goes blank or way too many items bubble to the surface that I am overwhelmed with muteness. I know I need a better question to help unlock what's challenging me and I suspect that's also the case with others.
I would have preferred to see more conversational options to help kickstart a coaching session. I understand Ken Blanchard, for instance, has 101 starting questions. Perhaps this book could have enlightened me with more options than "What's on your mind?"
I know many skilled managers/coaches can likely come up with other ways to warm up the conversation, but we'll lose precious time as we keep striving for rapport to get the ball rolling. This is especially a pain when our coaching session is no more than 30 minutes. Which is why I would have appreciated more kickoff tips to figure someone's trigger.
The remaining questions -- "And what else?," "What's the real challenge here for you?," etc. -- were ok suggestions, but the remaining experience was ruined for me because I just could not unblock myself past the author thinking that #1 question was going to magically open the conversational doors.
July 15, 2016
Stanier says he took four years to write four versions of this. I'm virtually scratching my head at that...it's a trifold tract blown up with repetitious cliches, buzzwords, self-help stuff, and a lot of name- and book title-dropping. Stanier aggregates other people's works (he even cites the serial offender aggregator Daniel Goleman) into a whizzbang ask seven questions and you know everything about coaching leadership flipchart. I think he misses his target by a wide margin. Note: I do agree that asking questions is important. But asking questions is only the start of coaching leadership.
Maybe *I* missed his point. Perhaps he was trying to show someone how to coach others in leadership.
If you've never known a single thing about coaching leadership, I expect this will be a good start. If you know anything...pass on this.
Maybe *I* missed his point. Perhaps he was trying to show someone how to coach others in leadership.
If you've never known a single thing about coaching leadership, I expect this will be a good start. If you know anything...pass on this.
February 11, 2019
...and what else?
December 2, 2018
This book is a trap! 117 pages looks like a really short read, but I ended up with almost 20 more books in my to-read list once I finished it. Michael has a consulting/coaching company (Box of Crayons) and is reading over 100 business books per year due to his role. He recommended his best books in every leadership category: https://boxofcrayons.com/the-coaching...
The book is combining together the key points with many other books that are touching the topic of coaching and manages to do that in a way that actually creates some new insights. I cannot agree with everything though, as it warns to stay away from "The Fifth Discipline" from Peter Senge and the books from Simon Sinek. What I approve is that he is also an advocate of behavioral psychology and keeps making references to "Thinking Fast and Slow by Kahneman". There are also many references to "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg which is one of my favorite books. I also liked the genius saying of “The wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead” (on mindless presence).
As the key recommendation an manager should try to give less advice and ask the right questions instead. Many leaders tend to give directions, answers and advice far more than ask questions. This kills effectiveness by promoting dependency rather than autonomy in those that we lead.It leads to more time being absorbed in this unproductive activity and at worst leaders become bottlenecks in their organizations.
The book is built around 7 core questions to be asked during coaching:
1. The Kickstart Question: "What's on your mind?" Ask this early, with a minimum of chit-chat and this gets to the reason for the conversation. Often this will be about one of the 3Ps: Projects, People, and Patterns, all linked to each other.
2. The AWE Question: "And what else?" This question draws out more information, often identifies more options, buys time, and keeps the "Advice Monster" at bay.
3. The Focus Question: What's the real challenge here for you? Often what is on one's mind is nebulous, or there are many challenges mentioned. This question gets concrete and personal and prevents "coaching the ghost" of discussing someone not in the room rather than what is facing the person in front of you.
4. The Foundation Question: "What do you want?" Often the coachee is not clear on this and it is not clear in the situation. Once clear, it is possible to have an adult conversation where it is possible to answer "yes," "no," "give me time to think about that," or perhaps, "not this, but that." Also, it is critical to recognize the difference between wants and needs, the latter often being the reasons behind the wants. The question can also be a mutual one, particularly in a management situation where two people can get clear on what each wants in a situation and then get on with figuring out how to respond to that.
5. The Lazy Question: "How can I help?" It question calls upon the person to make a direct request, and it delivers you from being the perpetual rescuer. A blunter way to ask this question is "What do you want from me?" Instead of deciding for a person how one can be helpful, it allows them to say what really would be helpful, and it allows you to decide whether you can offer that help. It is lazy because it saves us from providing all sorts of unwanted and counterproductive help.
6. The Strategic Question: "If you are saying yes to this, what are you saying no to?" This chapter offers some great help in figuring out how to say "no" when it is very hard to do. It also helps us figure out what we will be saying "no" to if we choose a strategic direction, and what else we may need to say "no" to in order to fully embrace the "yes" rather than over-commit.
7. The Learning Question: "What was most useful to you?" This recognizes that debriefing is where learning really takes place, and clarifies the most important outcomes to your discussion. It also has the side benefit of increasing the perception that the coach as useful!
I have used some of those questions ad-hoc and now recognize how others have used them on me as well (hoping to anticipate such situations in the future).
“This is why, in a nutshell, advice is overrated. I can tell you something, and it’s got a limited chance of making its way into your brain’s hippocampus, the region that encodes memory. If I can ask you a question and you generate the answer yourself, the odds increase substantially.”
“Tell less and ask more. Your advice is not as good As you think it is.”
The book is combining together the key points with many other books that are touching the topic of coaching and manages to do that in a way that actually creates some new insights. I cannot agree with everything though, as it warns to stay away from "The Fifth Discipline" from Peter Senge and the books from Simon Sinek. What I approve is that he is also an advocate of behavioral psychology and keeps making references to "Thinking Fast and Slow by Kahneman". There are also many references to "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg which is one of my favorite books. I also liked the genius saying of “The wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead” (on mindless presence).
As the key recommendation an manager should try to give less advice and ask the right questions instead. Many leaders tend to give directions, answers and advice far more than ask questions. This kills effectiveness by promoting dependency rather than autonomy in those that we lead.It leads to more time being absorbed in this unproductive activity and at worst leaders become bottlenecks in their organizations.
The book is built around 7 core questions to be asked during coaching:
1. The Kickstart Question: "What's on your mind?" Ask this early, with a minimum of chit-chat and this gets to the reason for the conversation. Often this will be about one of the 3Ps: Projects, People, and Patterns, all linked to each other.
2. The AWE Question: "And what else?" This question draws out more information, often identifies more options, buys time, and keeps the "Advice Monster" at bay.
3. The Focus Question: What's the real challenge here for you? Often what is on one's mind is nebulous, or there are many challenges mentioned. This question gets concrete and personal and prevents "coaching the ghost" of discussing someone not in the room rather than what is facing the person in front of you.
4. The Foundation Question: "What do you want?" Often the coachee is not clear on this and it is not clear in the situation. Once clear, it is possible to have an adult conversation where it is possible to answer "yes," "no," "give me time to think about that," or perhaps, "not this, but that." Also, it is critical to recognize the difference between wants and needs, the latter often being the reasons behind the wants. The question can also be a mutual one, particularly in a management situation where two people can get clear on what each wants in a situation and then get on with figuring out how to respond to that.
5. The Lazy Question: "How can I help?" It question calls upon the person to make a direct request, and it delivers you from being the perpetual rescuer. A blunter way to ask this question is "What do you want from me?" Instead of deciding for a person how one can be helpful, it allows them to say what really would be helpful, and it allows you to decide whether you can offer that help. It is lazy because it saves us from providing all sorts of unwanted and counterproductive help.
6. The Strategic Question: "If you are saying yes to this, what are you saying no to?" This chapter offers some great help in figuring out how to say "no" when it is very hard to do. It also helps us figure out what we will be saying "no" to if we choose a strategic direction, and what else we may need to say "no" to in order to fully embrace the "yes" rather than over-commit.
7. The Learning Question: "What was most useful to you?" This recognizes that debriefing is where learning really takes place, and clarifies the most important outcomes to your discussion. It also has the side benefit of increasing the perception that the coach as useful!
I have used some of those questions ad-hoc and now recognize how others have used them on me as well (hoping to anticipate such situations in the future).
“This is why, in a nutshell, advice is overrated. I can tell you something, and it’s got a limited chance of making its way into your brain’s hippocampus, the region that encodes memory. If I can ask you a question and you generate the answer yourself, the odds increase substantially.”
“Tell less and ask more. Your advice is not as good As you think it is.”
February 23, 2016
This book is absolutely BRILLIANT!
I have served as a Team Leader with Keller Williams, a managing broker of the largest Century 21 office in the world, and now, as a professional real estate coach. I work with many agents around the country to improve efficiencies and best business practices while growing their businesses.
I was constantly getting caught in the usual traps (without having much in the way of professional coaches training) of going through a coaching session without really feeling like I had had an impact. We would get caught in the usual small talk. I would choose a problem that I thought they might have and go down a bunny trail only to find out later that the solution I was pursuing wasn't the real problem.
Michael's book is exactly what I was looking for!
He discusses critical questions in a coaching session that will allow you to be less "helpful" and more helpful. I was creating co-dependence with many of my agents because I wasn't allowing them to create new neuro-connections and truly learn.
From bookends of a coaching session to digging deeper to discover the real issue to removing yourself from the drama triangle, this book is a must read for anyone looking to improve communication and coaching skills. I believe teachers, parents, managers, and coaches would all benefit from reading Michael's book.
I particularly enjoyed the video blogs that delved deeper into the meaning of the chapter I had just read. Not only did it give me a better understanding of the material, but it allowed the message to connect a little deeper.
Throughout the book, Michael ties in ideas on creating the right habits (pulling from The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg) so that you begin to recognize the triggers that would get you off track, and create new habits that will help you become a better coach.
I am changing my coaching style after reading Mr. Bungay Stanier's The Coaching Habit.
I have served as a Team Leader with Keller Williams, a managing broker of the largest Century 21 office in the world, and now, as a professional real estate coach. I work with many agents around the country to improve efficiencies and best business practices while growing their businesses.
I was constantly getting caught in the usual traps (without having much in the way of professional coaches training) of going through a coaching session without really feeling like I had had an impact. We would get caught in the usual small talk. I would choose a problem that I thought they might have and go down a bunny trail only to find out later that the solution I was pursuing wasn't the real problem.
Michael's book is exactly what I was looking for!
He discusses critical questions in a coaching session that will allow you to be less "helpful" and more helpful. I was creating co-dependence with many of my agents because I wasn't allowing them to create new neuro-connections and truly learn.
From bookends of a coaching session to digging deeper to discover the real issue to removing yourself from the drama triangle, this book is a must read for anyone looking to improve communication and coaching skills. I believe teachers, parents, managers, and coaches would all benefit from reading Michael's book.
I particularly enjoyed the video blogs that delved deeper into the meaning of the chapter I had just read. Not only did it give me a better understanding of the material, but it allowed the message to connect a little deeper.
Throughout the book, Michael ties in ideas on creating the right habits (pulling from The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg) so that you begin to recognize the triggers that would get you off track, and create new habits that will help you become a better coach.
I am changing my coaching style after reading Mr. Bungay Stanier's The Coaching Habit.
August 8, 2018
This book struggled to keep me engaged.
In summary, the seven questions:
The kickstart question: “What’s on your mind?"
The awe question: “And what else?"
The focus question: “ What’s the Real Challenge Here for You?"
The lazy question: "How Can I Help?"
The foundation question: “What do you want?"
The strategic question: “If You’re Saying Yes to This, What Are You Saying No To?"
The learning question: “What was most useful for you?”
Mostly the book points you to videos on thecoachinghabit.com. So in my opinion, it might be better to just watch those if you are interested in the topic.
Lots of references to other books I've done like:
Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us
Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die
Thinking, Fast and Slow
With a nice ending to the book with a list of recommended books.
In summary, the seven questions:
The kickstart question: “What’s on your mind?"
The awe question: “And what else?"
The focus question: “ What’s the Real Challenge Here for You?"
The lazy question: "How Can I Help?"
The foundation question: “What do you want?"
The strategic question: “If You’re Saying Yes to This, What Are You Saying No To?"
The learning question: “What was most useful for you?”
Mostly the book points you to videos on thecoachinghabit.com. So in my opinion, it might be better to just watch those if you are interested in the topic.
Lots of references to other books I've done like:
Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us
Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die
Thinking, Fast and Slow
With a nice ending to the book with a list of recommended books.
November 22, 2016
I had previously read the excellent book, very worth reading,
Coaching for Performance: GROWing Human Potential and Purpose - The Principles and Practice of Coaching and Leadership, 4th Edition Paperback – October 10, 2009. John Whitmore (Author).
As a professor at a university in Brazil, I practiced coaching a lot as an adviser both graduate and undergraduate, and I could learn a lot then. So, the topic coaching is not so new at all.
This little book is worth reading although it is a little tiresome and repetitive. The companion website is very rich and should, no excuses, be visited and the video library should be fully explored. They are short videos illustrating each principle, very good.
I would recommend that if you are interested, do read the printed book, and not the Kindle version. So many parts to underline, so many annotations necessary, better have paper and pen.
Coaching for Performance: GROWing Human Potential and Purpose - The Principles and Practice of Coaching and Leadership, 4th Edition Paperback – October 10, 2009. John Whitmore (Author).
As a professor at a university in Brazil, I practiced coaching a lot as an adviser both graduate and undergraduate, and I could learn a lot then. So, the topic coaching is not so new at all.
This little book is worth reading although it is a little tiresome and repetitive. The companion website is very rich and should, no excuses, be visited and the video library should be fully explored. They are short videos illustrating each principle, very good.
I would recommend that if you are interested, do read the printed book, and not the Kindle version. So many parts to underline, so many annotations necessary, better have paper and pen.
June 23, 2018
Totally recommend this book! It has great tips and insights on how you can take out more of your 1:1s, especially when you are managing or coaching people! I used a audiobook, but I plan to re-read it on paper, since i want to be able to take notes and make highlights!
The book highlight 7 questions and gives contexts and insight on how they work and why they are useful.
The books has a couple of ideas that are repetitive.
The book highlight 7 questions and gives contexts and insight on how they work and why they are useful.
The books has a couple of ideas that are repetitive.
May 25, 2017
Centered around 7 great questions to help any conversation go from small-talk to output. But it isn't just a checklist of answers for one-on-ones, it's also filled with nuggets on building long-term memory, other mental models for management, pragmatic lessons from neuroscience, as well as useful analogies. Some of my favorites were how people typically put themselves in the position of a rescuer, victim, or prosecutor—either of which can be dangerous. It's tempting to feel it's a hero move to take it and "fix it," but it has pernicious consequences. The questions are well thought out, and solve real problems: When people spiral negatively, you ask them: What's the real challenge for you here? To take them back up. When they're not generating enough options, you ask them: And what else? One of my favorite examples from the book is how when people are presented with two options; they make worse decisions than choosing at random. However, if a 3rd option is presented—they make much better decisions on average (I'm not sure how a study like that is conducted, but I definitely agree with this).
Another quote from the book that made me think was: "It doesn't matter if you've mastered all the productivity books in the world; the faster you dig, the faster the world keeps flooding in." I observe this myself too, that more time in doesn't yield more output—it often just generates more and less important work. It makes you say no less, without proportionally increasing output.
The big takeaway from this book is that it's not your job to offer solutions, it's your job to ask the questions that lead to solutions—that's coaching. The book ends up referring to one of my favorite books, Make it Stick, how people generate memories by AGES: Attention, Generation, Emotion, Spacing. If people aren't generating their own ideas and answers, they don't remember them. I prefer the articulation in "What Got You Here Won't Get You There", of not trying to 'add too much value'—although the book does use some of this vocabulary. It's clear that the author is well-read in the management and leadership literature, it's great to see books references and ideas iterated on.
Another quote from the book that made me think was: "It doesn't matter if you've mastered all the productivity books in the world; the faster you dig, the faster the world keeps flooding in." I observe this myself too, that more time in doesn't yield more output—it often just generates more and less important work. It makes you say no less, without proportionally increasing output.
The big takeaway from this book is that it's not your job to offer solutions, it's your job to ask the questions that lead to solutions—that's coaching. The book ends up referring to one of my favorite books, Make it Stick, how people generate memories by AGES: Attention, Generation, Emotion, Spacing. If people aren't generating their own ideas and answers, they don't remember them. I prefer the articulation in "What Got You Here Won't Get You There", of not trying to 'add too much value'—although the book does use some of this vocabulary. It's clear that the author is well-read in the management and leadership literature, it's great to see books references and ideas iterated on.
August 31, 2017
This book is regarding how to provide coaching and conduct successful one on ones. The 7 questions you are supposed to ask are:
What is on your mind?
And what else?
What is the real challenge for you?
What do you want?
What do you want from me?/ How can I help?
What are you saying No to?
What was most useful for you about this conversation?
Planning to use this the next time I have a one on one with someone in my team.
What is on your mind?
And what else?
What is the real challenge for you?
What do you want?
What do you want from me?/ How can I help?
What are you saying No to?
What was most useful for you about this conversation?
Planning to use this the next time I have a one on one with someone in my team.
March 8, 2017
Useful, but hardly involving.
There are two valid "pro" arguments to read this book:
* key topic of the book (7 questions) are really helpful (some of them more than other ...) in improving one's coaching style (at least that was the real fact in my case)
* Karpman Drama Triangle is something you should ALWAYS (!) have in the back of your head -> seriously; this is something we subconsciously know, but having it "structured" and rephrased with such a simple model really helps in realising when it "happens" (so you can actively fight it)
The rest of the content (even if there's not much of it TBH) is rather a gap-filler: not really revealing, hardly engaging the reader. Looks like the author had a good topic, but somehow failed in turning it in a decent book. What is more, some of the content is rather controversial (e.g. undermining the "why" question importance).
In the end: there are clearly better books on coaching, but the key concepts mentioned here are definitely worth your attention.
There are two valid "pro" arguments to read this book:
* key topic of the book (7 questions) are really helpful (some of them more than other ...) in improving one's coaching style (at least that was the real fact in my case)
* Karpman Drama Triangle is something you should ALWAYS (!) have in the back of your head -> seriously; this is something we subconsciously know, but having it "structured" and rephrased with such a simple model really helps in realising when it "happens" (so you can actively fight it)
The rest of the content (even if there's not much of it TBH) is rather a gap-filler: not really revealing, hardly engaging the reader. Looks like the author had a good topic, but somehow failed in turning it in a decent book. What is more, some of the content is rather controversial (e.g. undermining the "why" question importance).
In the end: there are clearly better books on coaching, but the key concepts mentioned here are definitely worth your attention.
December 12, 2021
این کتاب رو برای این که ایده بگیرید بخونید
ایده بابت این که چجوری میتونید گفت و گوهاتون رو اثربخش تر کنید
یه خورده شلخته بود ولی خوب بود
هفت تا سوال پیشنهاد میده که وسط گفت و گوهاتون میتونید از اون ها استفاده کنید تا گفت و گوی بهتری داشته باشید
کتاب یه خورده ترجمه اش خوب نبود، نوع کتاب هم درسته که متفاوت هست ولی زمان خوندن اذیت میکنه
ایده بابت این که چجوری میتونید گفت و گوهاتون رو اثربخش تر کنید
یه خورده شلخته بود ولی خوب بود
هفت تا سوال پیشنهاد میده که وسط گفت و گوهاتون میتونید از اون ها استفاده کنید تا گفت و گوی بهتری داشته باشید
کتاب یه خورده ترجمه اش خوب نبود، نوع کتاب هم درسته که متفاوت هست ولی زمان خوندن اذیت میکنه
November 19, 2023
Stop offering up advice with a question mark attached.
Very practical and clearly written. The seven questions (what's on your mind, what else, what's the real challenge here for you, what do you want, if yes to this, what must you say No to, how can I help, what was most useful for you) will stick in my mind, as will the drama triangle (victim, persecutor, rescuer).
Very practical and clearly written. The seven questions (what's on your mind, what else, what's the real challenge here for you, what do you want, if yes to this, what must you say No to, how can I help, what was most useful for you) will stick in my mind, as will the drama triangle (victim, persecutor, rescuer).
January 2, 2019
I thought this was great. For a majority of people, the way this material is presented is super easy to digest and well structured and organized to make the learning journey cohesive and easy to envision how you can apply the learning in your own work easily. I think it clarifies the need for and provides an approach to coaching that manages to be both simple and profoundly beneficial.
August 22, 2020
I think that this book was more like a self-helping book than a management one.
The book's main subject is introducing seven questions to getting away from admonishing and going through more information and useful conversations. I like this idea and think that these questions are effective.
But some problems damaged the main idea and made the book a "Good" one, instead of a "Geat" one.
The first problem is the title! I think these questions are just for the starting of coaching, and after those, the journey begins. So instead of "The coaching habit" I suggest the summarized of "How to ask people without advice manners, with some mind jumps" :D
The other problem is the lack of focus on the main idea and those seven questions. The book is full of brain jumps and random quotes. I don't say aggregating data from other books is bad; I think it's good while consistent and around the main topic, but it wasn't here.
I appreciate Stanier for the videos and think that those are effective, but I got a feeling of a commercial book when I saw them.
---------------------
به نظرم این کتاب بیشتر حالت کتابهای خودیاری ( سلفهلپینگ ) رو داشت تا مدیریتی.
حرف اصلی کتاب، مطرح کردن ۷ پرسش برای دوری از فاز نصیحتگری و استفادهی بیشتر از موقعیت و دریافت اطلاعات جدید و دقیقتر هست. من از این ایده خوشم اومد و به نظرم پرسشها هم تا حدی تاثیرگذار بودن.
اما چند تا مشکل اساسی تو کتاب وجود داشت که به نظرم کار رو خراب کرد و این کتاب رو به یک کتاب به قول خودش « عالی » تبدیل نمیکنه.
مشکل اولم عنوان کتابه! به نظرم این سوالها بیشتر شروع فاز مربیگری هستن تا راه و رسم مربیگری. شما با سوال شروع میکنی اما تازه قضیه شروع میشه و اینجا نیاز به کلی ادوایس و برنامه داری. شاید خلاصهشدهی عنوان « چطور سوال بپرسیم تا از فاز نصیحتگری خارج بشیم » چیز مناسبتری بود تا
The coaching habit!
مشکل بعدی، عدم تمرکز نویسنده و کتاب روی همین تک موضوعی هست که میخواد بهش بپردازه. کتاب پر از جامپهای ذهنی و کوت کردن از کتابها و شخصیتهای مختلفه. من این کوت کردنها و تجمیع اطلاعات رو اصلا چیز بدی نمیدونم، اما تا وقتی که خیلی پیوسته و منسجم حول موضوع اصلی باشه که متاسفانه اینجا این شکلی نبود. میتونم بگم از معدود کتابهایی بود که سر خوندنش نمیتونستم تمرکز کنم و همش ذهنم میپرید.
حتی نثر کتاب هم به این پرشهای ذهنی کمک میکنه. اول فکر کردم به خاطر ترجمهی نامناسب کتاب باشه ولی چند جایی رو با متن اصلی چک کردم و ظاهرا نویسنده کلا این مدلی نوشته :(
نمیخوام لیبل تجاری بودن به این کتاب بزنم، ولی اگه فیلمهاش رو مخصوصا به زبان اصلی ببینید و با لحن و فاز نویسنده، که اونجا گویندهی فیلمها هست متاسفانه این ذهنیت هم به سراغتون میاد. البته فیلمها حقیقتا خوبن و برای ماندگاری حرفهای کتاب هم به درد میخورن.
احتمالا در آیندهی نزدیک یک دور دیگه کتاب رو مطالعه کنم.
پ.ن: در خصوص نسخهی فارسی این کتاب از آریانا قلم، به نظرم یکی از افتضاحترین شکل کتابهارو داشت. درسته زیباست و جذابه، اما این مدل عمودی باز شدن و همینطور کوتهای صفحات زوج، به شدت باعث عدم تمرکز میشد. به نظرم اگر هدف صرفا جذابکردن کتابه یک چیزی مثل ایدهی عالی مستدام باز طراحی قابل قبولی داره. اما این طراحی کتاب واقعا اذیت بود!
The book's main subject is introducing seven questions to getting away from admonishing and going through more information and useful conversations. I like this idea and think that these questions are effective.
But some problems damaged the main idea and made the book a "Good" one, instead of a "Geat" one.
The first problem is the title! I think these questions are just for the starting of coaching, and after those, the journey begins. So instead of "The coaching habit" I suggest the summarized of "How to ask people without advice manners, with some mind jumps" :D
The other problem is the lack of focus on the main idea and those seven questions. The book is full of brain jumps and random quotes. I don't say aggregating data from other books is bad; I think it's good while consistent and around the main topic, but it wasn't here.
I appreciate Stanier for the videos and think that those are effective, but I got a feeling of a commercial book when I saw them.
---------------------
به نظرم این کتاب بیشتر حالت کتابهای خودیاری ( سلفهلپینگ ) رو داشت تا مدیریتی.
حرف اصلی کتاب، مطرح کردن ۷ پرسش برای دوری از فاز نصیحتگری و استفادهی بیشتر از موقعیت و دریافت اطلاعات جدید و دقیقتر هست. من از این ایده خوشم اومد و به نظرم پرسشها هم تا حدی تاثیرگذار بودن.
اما چند تا مشکل اساسی تو کتاب وجود داشت که به نظرم کار رو خراب کرد و این کتاب رو به یک کتاب به قول خودش « عالی » تبدیل نمیکنه.
مشکل اولم عنوان کتابه! به نظرم این سوالها بیشتر شروع فاز مربیگری هستن تا راه و رسم مربیگری. شما با سوال شروع میکنی اما تازه قضیه شروع میشه و اینجا نیاز به کلی ادوایس و برنامه داری. شاید خلاصهشدهی عنوان « چطور سوال بپرسیم تا از فاز نصیحتگری خارج بشیم » چیز مناسبتری بود تا
The coaching habit!
مشکل بعدی، عدم تمرکز نویسنده و کتاب روی همین تک موضوعی هست که میخواد بهش بپردازه. کتاب پر از جامپهای ذهنی و کوت کردن از کتابها و شخصیتهای مختلفه. من این کوت کردنها و تجمیع اطلاعات رو اصلا چیز بدی نمیدونم، اما تا وقتی که خیلی پیوسته و منسجم حول موضوع اصلی باشه که متاسفانه اینجا این شکلی نبود. میتونم بگم از معدود کتابهایی بود که سر خوندنش نمیتونستم تمرکز کنم و همش ذهنم میپرید.
حتی نثر کتاب هم به این پرشهای ذهنی کمک میکنه. اول فکر کردم به خاطر ترجمهی نامناسب کتاب باشه ولی چند جایی رو با متن اصلی چک کردم و ظاهرا نویسنده کلا این مدلی نوشته :(
نمیخوام لیبل تجاری بودن به این کتاب بزنم، ولی اگه فیلمهاش رو مخصوصا به زبان اصلی ببینید و با لحن و فاز نویسنده، که اونجا گویندهی فیلمها هست متاسفانه این ذهنیت هم به سراغتون میاد. البته فیلمها حقیقتا خوبن و برای ماندگاری حرفهای کتاب هم به درد میخورن.
احتمالا در آیندهی نزدیک یک دور دیگه کتاب رو مطالعه کنم.
پ.ن: در خصوص نسخهی فارسی این کتاب از آریانا قلم، به نظرم یکی از افتضاحترین شکل کتابهارو داشت. درسته زیباست و جذابه، اما این مدل عمودی باز شدن و همینطور کوتهای صفحات زوج، به شدت باعث عدم تمرکز میشد. به نظرم اگر هدف صرفا جذابکردن کتابه یک چیزی مثل ایدهی عالی مستدام باز طراحی قابل قبولی داره. اما این طراحی کتاب واقعا اذیت بود!
March 25, 2020
این روزها توصیهها بر سبک مربیگری در هدایت نیروی انسانی متمرکز شده. و این کتاب یاد میدهد که چگونه با سوال این عمل اتفاق بیفتد.
با هفت سوال.
برای بنده مفید بود.
با هفت سوال.
برای بنده مفید بود.
February 26, 2021
For anyone wanting to have a more coaching style in their personal or professional interactions this is a great resource. Full of practical tips, stories and examples. Very engaging and useful.
November 23, 2018
Summary: Kicking the advice habit, asking questions well, and using variations of seven key questions can lead to more effective leadership coaching.
Over the next few weeks, I will be mixing in reviews of books on coaching, part of some reading I am doing for my own development. I'll take the risk of reviewing these because all of us influence others in some way, and it is never a loss to learn how we might do that with greater effectiveness that helps others flourish.
One of the key ideas of this delightfully straightforward and easy to read book is that many leaders tend to give directions, answers, and advice far more than ask questions. This thwarts effectiveness by promoting dependency rather than autonomy in those we lead. It leads to more time being absorbed in this unproductive activity, and at worst, leaders become bottlenecks in their organizations.
Another critical insight is that deciding to ask more and better questions is not enough if the leader doesn't recognize what triggers the advice-giving habit. With each of the seven questions that follow, the author asks us to identify the triggers that activate habits that derail us from good coaching and to identify a new practice that will be come a new habit.
The core of the book is seven great coaching questions:
1. The Kickstart Question: "What's on your mind?" Ask this early, with a minimum of chit-chat and this gets to the reason for the conversation. Often this will be about one of the 3Ps: Projects, People, and Patterns, all linked to each other.
2. The AWE Question: "And what else?" This question draws out more information, often identifies more options, buys time, and keeps the "Advice Monster" at bay.
3. The Focus Question: What's the real challenge here for you? Often what is on one's mind is nebulous, or there are many challenges mentioned. This question gets concrete and personal and prevents "coaching the ghost" of discussing someone not in the room rather than what is facing the person in front of you.
4. The Foundation Question: "What do you want?" Often the coachee is not clear on this and it is not clear in the situation. Once clear, it is possible to have an adult conversation where it is possible to answer "yes," "no," "give me time to think about that," or perhaps, "not this, but that." Also, it is critical to recognize the difference between wants and needs, the latter often being the reasons behind the wants. The question can also be a mutual one, particularly in a management situation where two people can get clear on what each wants in a situation and then get on with figuring out how to respond to that.
5. The Lazy Question: "How can I help?" It question calls upon the person to make a direct request, and it delivers you from being the perpetual rescuer. A blunter way to ask this question is "What do you want from me?" Instead of deciding for a person how one can be helpful, it allows them to say what really would be helpful, and it allows you to decide whether you can offer that help. It is lazy because it saves us from providing all sorts of unwanted and counterproductive help.
6. The Strategic Question: "If you are saying yes to this, what are you saying no to?" This chapter offers some great help in figuring out how to say "no" when it is very hard to do. It also helps us figure out what we will be saying "no" to if we choose a strategic direction, and what else we may need to say "no" to in order to fully embrace the "yes" rather than over-commit.
7. The Learning Question: "What was most useful to you?" This recognizes that debriefing is where learning really takes place, and clarifies the most important outcomes to your discussion. It also has the side benefit of increasing the perception that the coach as useful!
Stanier includes psychological research at the end of each chapter explaining why the questions are effective. He also sandwiches a "Question Masterclass" between each question that explores how one asks questions as well as what questions we ask--things like cutting the intro and asking the question, sticking to "what" questions, getting comfortable with silence, listening to answers, and acknowledging them.
The questions ring true with my own leadership and coaching experience--these are good questions. The insight on the "advice monster" is one most leaders need to heed. There is a refreshing contempt for truisms like "work smarter, not harder." I do wonder about the author's claim that "Coaching is simple" and that this book will "give you most of what you need." Is this hype, or simply an author with a lot of chutzpah? What I can say is that this was a quick read, offered good questions and reasons for using them, and didn't bury its message in a ton of verbiage. That's worth something.
Over the next few weeks, I will be mixing in reviews of books on coaching, part of some reading I am doing for my own development. I'll take the risk of reviewing these because all of us influence others in some way, and it is never a loss to learn how we might do that with greater effectiveness that helps others flourish.
One of the key ideas of this delightfully straightforward and easy to read book is that many leaders tend to give directions, answers, and advice far more than ask questions. This thwarts effectiveness by promoting dependency rather than autonomy in those we lead. It leads to more time being absorbed in this unproductive activity, and at worst, leaders become bottlenecks in their organizations.
Another critical insight is that deciding to ask more and better questions is not enough if the leader doesn't recognize what triggers the advice-giving habit. With each of the seven questions that follow, the author asks us to identify the triggers that activate habits that derail us from good coaching and to identify a new practice that will be come a new habit.
The core of the book is seven great coaching questions:
1. The Kickstart Question: "What's on your mind?" Ask this early, with a minimum of chit-chat and this gets to the reason for the conversation. Often this will be about one of the 3Ps: Projects, People, and Patterns, all linked to each other.
2. The AWE Question: "And what else?" This question draws out more information, often identifies more options, buys time, and keeps the "Advice Monster" at bay.
3. The Focus Question: What's the real challenge here for you? Often what is on one's mind is nebulous, or there are many challenges mentioned. This question gets concrete and personal and prevents "coaching the ghost" of discussing someone not in the room rather than what is facing the person in front of you.
4. The Foundation Question: "What do you want?" Often the coachee is not clear on this and it is not clear in the situation. Once clear, it is possible to have an adult conversation where it is possible to answer "yes," "no," "give me time to think about that," or perhaps, "not this, but that." Also, it is critical to recognize the difference between wants and needs, the latter often being the reasons behind the wants. The question can also be a mutual one, particularly in a management situation where two people can get clear on what each wants in a situation and then get on with figuring out how to respond to that.
5. The Lazy Question: "How can I help?" It question calls upon the person to make a direct request, and it delivers you from being the perpetual rescuer. A blunter way to ask this question is "What do you want from me?" Instead of deciding for a person how one can be helpful, it allows them to say what really would be helpful, and it allows you to decide whether you can offer that help. It is lazy because it saves us from providing all sorts of unwanted and counterproductive help.
6. The Strategic Question: "If you are saying yes to this, what are you saying no to?" This chapter offers some great help in figuring out how to say "no" when it is very hard to do. It also helps us figure out what we will be saying "no" to if we choose a strategic direction, and what else we may need to say "no" to in order to fully embrace the "yes" rather than over-commit.
7. The Learning Question: "What was most useful to you?" This recognizes that debriefing is where learning really takes place, and clarifies the most important outcomes to your discussion. It also has the side benefit of increasing the perception that the coach as useful!
Stanier includes psychological research at the end of each chapter explaining why the questions are effective. He also sandwiches a "Question Masterclass" between each question that explores how one asks questions as well as what questions we ask--things like cutting the intro and asking the question, sticking to "what" questions, getting comfortable with silence, listening to answers, and acknowledging them.
The questions ring true with my own leadership and coaching experience--these are good questions. The insight on the "advice monster" is one most leaders need to heed. There is a refreshing contempt for truisms like "work smarter, not harder." I do wonder about the author's claim that "Coaching is simple" and that this book will "give you most of what you need." Is this hype, or simply an author with a lot of chutzpah? What I can say is that this was a quick read, offered good questions and reasons for using them, and didn't bury its message in a ton of verbiage. That's worth something.
November 16, 2020
This is one for the team leaders. I need to read it again. Still so much unlearning to do.
April 20, 2022
خواندن کتاب خوب در زمان مناسب یک موهبت است. چند وقتیست مسئلهی گفتگو به قصد رشد تبدیل به یکی از مسئلههای اساسی من شده است و این کتاب از قضا درست الگویی برای همین شکل بسیار پیچیده از گفتگو ارائه میکند.
هم تکنیکهای مشخصی که پیشنهاد میدهد و هم رویکرد زیربناییش برایام مفید بود و در موارد زیادی لابهلای متن به من ضربههایی میزد که باعث هشیاریام میشد.
برای من گفتگو اصلیترین و سرراستترین مسیر رشد و اصلاح است و فکر میکنم تقریباً همهچیز را میشود در صورت فراهم بودن بستر گفتگو تغییر داد. با این حال به تجربه، تا مغز استخوان، برایام اثبات شده که نابلدیهای ما در گفتگو و بیانگیزهگیمان برای اصلاح این نابلدیها در نسبت با اهمیت گفتگو و سهماش در ساختن و خراب کردن رابطهها، کسبوکارها و آیندهها فاجعهآمیز است.
یکی از دعوتهای کتاب سرراست بودن، شفاف بودن و خلاصه بودن در گفتگوست. چیزی که خوشبختانه خودش از پس آن برآمده و حتی نسخهی ترجمه هم از همین مزیت برخوردار است.
شکل و شمایل آموزشی کتاب و برای مثال ویدئوهایی که در کنار متن ارائه شده با زمینهی آن یعنی مربیگری و فضای عملگرایانهی کسبوکار جور درمیآید.
غیر از کتابسازی غلطی که مثل همیشه مسیر خوانش کتاب را به نفع جنبهی زینتی آن دچار دستانداز کرده، آنچه از طرف ناشر و مجموعهی آریانا (از جمله همآموز) انجام شده تمیز و محترمانه و درخور انتظار از یک ناشر حرفهای است.
از کتابهاییست که دوست دارم به کسانی که گفتگو را نه فقط ابزار دسترسی به دنیای آدمهای دیگر یا باز کردن مسیر دسترسی به دنیای درون خودشان، بلکه ابزار رشد و تغییر میدانند، پیشنهاد کنم.
هم تکنیکهای مشخصی که پیشنهاد میدهد و هم رویکرد زیربناییش برایام مفید بود و در موارد زیادی لابهلای متن به من ضربههایی میزد که باعث هشیاریام میشد.
برای من گفتگو اصلیترین و سرراستترین مسیر رشد و اصلاح است و فکر میکنم تقریباً همهچیز را میشود در صورت فراهم بودن بستر گفتگو تغییر داد. با این حال به تجربه، تا مغز استخوان، برایام اثبات شده که نابلدیهای ما در گفتگو و بیانگیزهگیمان برای اصلاح این نابلدیها در نسبت با اهمیت گفتگو و سهماش در ساختن و خراب کردن رابطهها، کسبوکارها و آیندهها فاجعهآمیز است.
یکی از دعوتهای کتاب سرراست بودن، شفاف بودن و خلاصه بودن در گفتگوست. چیزی که خوشبختانه خودش از پس آن برآمده و حتی نسخهی ترجمه هم از همین مزیت برخوردار است.
شکل و شمایل آموزشی کتاب و برای مثال ویدئوهایی که در کنار متن ارائه شده با زمینهی آن یعنی مربیگری و فضای عملگرایانهی کسبوکار جور درمیآید.
غیر از کتابسازی غلطی که مثل همیشه مسیر خوانش کتاب را به نفع جنبهی زینتی آن دچار دستانداز کرده، آنچه از طرف ناشر و مجموعهی آریانا (از جمله همآموز) انجام شده تمیز و محترمانه و درخور انتظار از یک ناشر حرفهای است.
از کتابهاییست که دوست دارم به کسانی که گفتگو را نه فقط ابزار دسترسی به دنیای آدمهای دیگر یا باز کردن مسیر دسترسی به دنیای درون خودشان، بلکه ابزار رشد و تغییر میدانند، پیشنهاد کنم.
August 11, 2016
The advice given in this book could probably have been summed up in a magazine article. It is only a starting point to coaching employees. You ask questions like "what's on your mind?" and "what else is on your mind?" to start a free flowing conversation. But before they start complaining or gossiping, get them to focus on their problems by asking the question "what are the challenges that you're now facing?" The advice is simple but most people would find it hard to really listen to the answers and give the employees room to learn and grow on their own. The book also refers to a lot of popular business books (about building good habits, motivating employees, decision-making, etc.). If you haven't read those books, it's useful to know the key points. If you have, it feels like a rip-off to get highlights of books that you've already read.
September 29, 2017
This is one of the best coaching books I've ever read. I had the pleasure of seeing Michael Bungay Stanier in person, and he was just as helpful and funny and endearing as this book.
The basic premise? Shut up and listen. Assume you have much to learn. Kill the advice monster.
I am going to carry this book in my briefcase and read it before every coaching session. I think that school districts everywhere should buy copies for their instructional coaches, and I think it would also be helpful in corporations - life coaching - and relationships.
And What Else?!
I loved the recommended books at the end.
And What Else?
This author is a person who is changing the world. In his spare time, he is trying to end malaria. I have a new role model.
The basic premise? Shut up and listen. Assume you have much to learn. Kill the advice monster.
I am going to carry this book in my briefcase and read it before every coaching session. I think that school districts everywhere should buy copies for their instructional coaches, and I think it would also be helpful in corporations - life coaching - and relationships.
And What Else?!
I loved the recommended books at the end.
And What Else?
This author is a person who is changing the world. In his spare time, he is trying to end malaria. I have a new role model.
July 13, 2018
به صورت خلاصه در این کتاب یک چارچوب برای گفت و گو با افراد (خصوصا کارکنان زیر مجموعه یک مدیر) بیان شده که می تواند منجر به افزایش رضایتمندی کلی از کار و در یک کلام بهتر انجام شدن کارهای مفید شود.
از نظر نوع بیان، مختصر و مفید بودن و داشتن ارجاعات آکادمیک خیلی خوب است. توصیه می کنم قبل از این کتاب، کتاب "قدرت عادت" را بخوانید.
از نظر نوع بیان، مختصر و مفید بودن و داشتن ارجاعات آکادمیک خیلی خوب است. توصیه می کنم قبل از این کتاب، کتاب "قدرت عادت" را بخوانید.
February 13, 2020
This one was a read for my job! Super helpful and will help get anyone wanting to coach their team heading in the right direction!
May 29, 2022
I read 90% of this book four years ago as I was attempting to cobble together a training session for adults who mentor college students. Having recently moved into a manager role where I’m leading a team of adults ranging from their late 20s to their 50s, I decided to read it again. Like a really good movie where you pick up things you missed the first time, this book continues to drop nuggets of wisdom on the reader.
It’s a quick, light-hearted read with tangible take-aways. MBS (a nickname he gave himself, not me), does a great job of translating research into practice.
I wish more of my professional leaders read this book.
It’s a quick, light-hearted read with tangible take-aways. MBS (a nickname he gave himself, not me), does a great job of translating research into practice.
I wish more of my professional leaders read this book.
December 29, 2019
7 Questions that can change the way you lead the people
This was a great book with real and working questions which already started helping me in the way I interact with the people I work with. The only downside I have a very long list to read more as there are several good references in the book that I can't help but wondering those books already.
This was a great book with real and working questions which already started helping me in the way I interact with the people I work with. The only downside I have a very long list to read more as there are several good references in the book that I can't help but wondering those books already.
April 22, 2021
This is a very quick book: some pages are virtually empty or use huge fonts. I would have enjoyed some more details, but at the same time the proposed 7 questions give a solid foundation and a good starting point into more coaching conversations.
March 23, 2023
Definitely makes you think about how you have conversations with your athletes. There is always more you can get out of them. Understand how to listen and say things like “tell me more” or “what is on your mind”?
September 12, 2023
There are some good ideas and some questions in here that I think could really be helpful but never felt like it connected the dots.
Maybe I’ll try to reread in a different head space in the future
Maybe I’ll try to reread in a different head space in the future
July 31, 2018
Very readable. Clear, succinct strategies that align well with training in Cog Coaching. A useful book to come back to.
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