the tuesday transition - issue 46
March 28, 2023: Today I want to bring up something that’s come up A LOT lately as I’ve been working 1-on-1 with players. And that something is the difference between setting HIGH expectations of ourselves, and setting unrealistic, impossible standards of PERFECTION.
Now - this is huge so pay close attention. This is huge because so many players (and even us coaches and parents to be honest) aren't fully aware of the difference.
If a player is constantly striving to meet a certain standard at matches, and they (key word here) CONSISTENTLY walk away from the game feeling bad about themselves, feeling inadequate and feeling like they didn’t do good enough or should of done better – this is not having high expectations folks, THIS IS HAVING UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS OF PERFECTION.
There is a huge difference between the two. Let me explain.
HIGH expectations are measurable, realistic and aspirational. High expectations are part of a healthy striving mentality. High expectations keep us focused on the right things to keep us moving forward toward growth and self-improvement.
High expectations are based around elements of our game that we can fully control.
Having high expectations of yourself comes down to holding yourself accountable to doing the work required to perform at a high level by setting and striving towards stretch goals that are possible to reach if you get invested and stay focused on the controllable aspects that will get you there. THAT is having high expectations of yourself.
Now I’ll tell you what having high expectations of yourself is NOT. Having high expectations does NOT mean only allowing yourself to feel worthwhile if every single pass was spot on, every shot perfectly placed and every tackle was a win of possession. Having high expectations of yourself does NOT mean demanding from yourself a very specific result (winning every match, having a flawless performance, not making an errors, etc.) as the only way you can feel good about your performance.
I’ll give you an actual soccer example here:
A high (measurable, realistic, aspirational) expectation might be “to get to loose balls with speed and then physically giving maximum effort and fighting to win and protect possession.” This is a high expectation because it holds you accountable to doing the hard work and contains elements that you can fully control (giving max effort with speed and physicality).
The key here is that this expectation is not to “win every loose ball.” THAT would be an unrealistic, impossibly high standard of perfection. It’s a standard that you will not be able to always meet because there are elements involved that you can’t control. Such as, what if you were to give max effort but the girl you are up against is a foot taller than you? If you both jump to get the ball in the air, she absolutely has a physical advantage on you. Is there anything you can do about her height? Nope. What CAN you do though, what CAN you control? You can control your max effort, speed and physicality.
You might win the ball, you might not – but the HIGH expectation you have of yourself is to give your max effort and do everything you can do. THIS IS A HIGH EXPECTATION OF YOURSELF THAT YOU CAN ACHIEVE because you can control every element of this.
With this healthy striving mentality, you can be disappointed in the result of not gaining possession of the ball, yes, but at the same time STILL MEET your high expectation of yourself and feel good about your performance in that moment. How? Well…
Holding yourself to high expectations and then doing the work to meet them (regardless of outcome) has positive impact on your trust and belief in yourself and your abilities. It builds your confidence.
On the other end, if you have an impossibly high, unrealistic expectation of perfection, you are still disappointed you didn’t win the ball, but now you are also disappointed in yourself for not meeting your standard of “winning every loose ball”. Think about it this way, you are DEMANDING from yourself a result (playing perfect and not making mistakes) that you can’t fully control! This is a dangerous place to be because it’s a loop, a cycle that is extremely difficult to get out of.
The biggest warning that what you believe to be high expectations may actually NOT be high expectations is the fact that you can NEVER EVER MEET THEM.
Even when you are working super hard, giving your all and busting your butt - the 'high' expectations are never achievable. This is an indicator that your expectations are in fact not 'high' but instead unrealistic standards of perfection.
In closing, high expectations are EXTREMELY important to have if you want to play at elite levels of the game. They hold you accountable to taking responsibility for your development and putting in the work. They hold you accountable to SHOWING UP for yourself and your team on game day. But they are also important to keep in check because if they ever move out of the range of high expectations and start to become unrealistic, results-based expectations of perfection, you are heading down a slippery slope that can take your self-worth, your mental wellness, and your performance right along with it.
Stay diligent, stay aware, keep your expectations high and protect your inner space! Till next week,
💎 What I’m digging: My Seattle Sounders are killing it right now! Did you see Jordan Morris and his FOUR GOAL GAME against Sporting KC??!!
👩🏽💻 What I’m reading: I love how I keep seeing more and more articles like this. Professional sports teams are hiring mental performance coaches and not just to sit in an office, but to be on the field with the team. Bonus points that it’s a lot of women getting these positions as well!
🎧 What I’m listening to: I’ve been loving all of the soccer coverage from The Athletic, in part because they include everyone and have great women’s soccer coverage. This week I started diving into their podcast.
Grow your confidence through preparedness.
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Hi everyone! I’m Jenn and I create content to help female soccer players and coaches maximize individual and team potential by developing healthy mindset skills. Join other subscribers and sign up for the newsletter for all my best tips and advice!
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This is great stuff Jenn! Thanks for taking the time to write and post it- very valuable